Throwing the Lemons Back
by sashax13
Summary: When it comes to saving the world in risky situations, Yusuke and company do nothing better. But when it comes to handling the perils and lemons of everyday life with grace, pride, and integrity, they mostly suck at it.
1. Financial Fraud and Rip Off Flower Seeds

**By sashax13**

_Story Disclaimer: I don't own and am in no way associated with the people who have written, produced, or otherwise assisted in the making of Yu Yu Hakusho; I didn't create these characters; I borrowed them to parody with. I am not making any money off this._

_Additional note: Please do not take this story too seriously._**  
**

**Financial Fraud and Rip-off Flower Seeds**

**(Chapter title disclaimer: Yes, we know what you're thinking. But Kurama would like you to know that he wasn't involved in either situation.)**

"I'm glad everyone was able to come to lunch today," Botan cheerfully addressed Yusuke, Kurama, Kuwabara, Yukina, and sulky Hiei as they sat around a large table in an outdoor café. "It's a good thing that we all can still find time to hang out with each other even when you aren't fighting demons."

"Sure, I'll hang out with anyone who buys me lunch," Yusuke replied sincerely. "Although I kind of don't like restaurants very much. They're stuffy. Fighting demons is way more fun… Waiting for food stinks. But free food is good, I'll admit." He munched on some French fries.

"Yes, thank you so much for paying for our food!" Yukina added sweetly to Botan. Yukina was here on a field trip, with her Ice Maiden International Sorority group, but being the delinquent ice maiden she was, had ditched the others in favor of having lunch with her friends. Yukina was a rebel ahead of her age.

"My pleasure!" Botan answered. "You're too kind."

"We really appreciate it." Yukina said, politely, as usual.

"You're welcome... although, it _would _dishonest on my part if I took all of the credit. I'm not rich." Botan admitted. She lowered her voice and added quietly. "I took a loan from Koenma's account and filed it as, um, a working expense." She then giggled loudly. But nobody else got what the funny part was.

"Are you allowed to do that?" Yusuke accused.

"What Lord Koenma doesn't know won't hurt him." Botan said defiantly. "He's got so much money he doesn't notice when some of it goes missing. So, if you don't mind keeping this quiet and on the down low…"

"Well… it was kind of stupid for you to trust _us_ with a secret like that, but whatever. Your call." Yusuke shrugged. "Especially Kuwabara."

"Oh shut up. If this wasn't a public facility, I would so be beating you up right now." Kuwabara threatened.

"Ha. You couldn't." Yusuke replied.

"Uh, yeah I can."

"Nuh uh!"

"Yeah huh!"

"Nuh uh!"

"Yeah huh!"

"Nuh uh!"

"Stop it. That counts as fighting." Botan broke up the almost-but-not-really fight.

Kuwabara rolled his eyes, and turned to face her. "Well, if you aren't really paying for our food, then that means we can eat as much as we want." Kuwabara cheered up. "I'm going to order more French fries. Has the waitress come by recently? I haven't seen her in ages."

"Yes, I think you'll be fine." Botan assured him. "Koenma never reads his bills. He doesn't even sign his own name on them. He _stamps_ it. What kind of rule of Spirit World can't sign his own name?" She complained.

"Um. A baby?" Guessed Yusuke.

"Oh." Botan sighed. "Well, you're right. I'll stop complaining about work; let's just enjoy ourselves."

"Maybe Hiei will share his fries with you, Kuwabara?" Kurama suggested idly. He forgot whom he was talking to.

"Hn, I most certainly will _not_ share!" Hiei declared, scooping up his fries and pushing them to the far edge of his plate away from Kuwabara. "Get your own fries. Human."

"Who are you calling human? You're at a whole table full of humans, stupid!" Yusuke yelled. "Well, except for Botan. And Yukina. And, well, Kurama, kind of. Um. Okay, maybe it's just me and Kuwabara. Except technically, I'm a demon too. Hm."

"Forgive me, Yusuke, for your superior logic has now convinced me how wrong I was." Hiei interjected.

"Whatever." Kuwabara sighed. "I knew he wouldn't let me have any. I guess I'm stuck waiting for the waitress to get her act together and do the job she's getting paid for."

Kuwabara glared at Hiei to prove how mad he was for not sharing French fries.

Hiei glared back to prove how stubborn _he_ was.

"Maybe you guys shouldn't sit by each other." Yusuke voiced.

"Hiei, may _I_ have some of your fries, please?" Asked Yukina tactfully. She gave Hiei the pity face.

"Um, well…" Hiei stuttered, then settled, "Of course."

"Yay! Hiei, I _love_ you." Yukina exclaimed with her eyes all lit up.

"Geez, I don't believe _this_," Kuwabara muttered. "Sure, give some to the cute little girl, but no food for little old me."

"Oh, Kuwabara, you won't starve to death probably." Hiei offered hopefully.

"Thanks for the support." Kuwabara sarcastically retorted. Poor Kuwabara.

Just then, a very attractive blonde sauntered up to the table. She was a total stranger, but that didn't stop her from coming right up to the group and addressing them, smoothing her miniskirt and standing up straight.

"Hello boys! …and girls with oddly colored hair! My name's Kylie." Greeted the girl with a thousand-watt smile. She leaned over and flipped her hair onto the table.

"Are you the waitress, Kylie?" Kuwabara asked hopefully.

Kylie wrinkled her nose. "A waitress? How unbelievably common! Of _course_ I don't work here." she scoffed.

"Hey, this is a five-star restaurant!" Botan exclaimed. "Or I thought it was… if not, then we're being grossly overcharged!"

"Yeah, whatever. Look, I didn't come over here to talk about _astrology_." Kylie said matter-of-factly. "I just came to ask for the redhead's number."

"Do you mean me?" Kurama inquired apprehensively. "I, um, don't believe I know you. And by the way, five stars in relation to a restaurant doesn't have anything to do with astrology."

"Nope, you've never met me before!" Kylie confirmed, "but I sure have heard of you! I just now saw you sitting here from my table and I think you're unbelievably hot." She purred, batting her eyelashes flirtatiously.

"Um, well, thank you. But I only date intellectual- uh, that is I only date, um… redheads." Kurama lamely covered as so not to crush the Kylie's feelings upon meeting her.

Kylie looked disappointed. "Oh. What if I dyed my hair?" she suggested fingering a piece of hair thoughtfully. "This is just highlights and sun-in. I'm not even a natural blonde, I swear!" she bragged. She whispered, "You know, they say blonde is going out of style now. All my friends have already gone brunette."

"Okay," Kurama said desperately. "How about I make a special deal just for you? If you can beat me at a ridiculously confusing mind game… say, chess, for example, then I will go out with you," he offered, knowing there was no chance in heck for Kylie if she agreed.

"Chess?" Echoed Kylie. "Isn't that the one that's kind of like checkers, but with kings and knights and stuff?" she continued twirling her hair. Seductively. Oh yes, she was hot, but each time she opened her mouth to say something, the magic was lost on everyone at the table (except maybe Yusuke).

"Yeah, that's the one." Kurama confirmed.

"You mean, we have to use all of those different shaped pieces?" Kylie asked, worried that she might not be able to pull this off after all. She didn't ask for this; she only wanted a date!

"Yes, I was assuming so." Kurama answered.

"And do we have to play by the actual chess rules?" Kylie asked, in a nervous voice, now twirling her hair between her fingers madly. She looked nervous. Anxiety lines began to form on her forehead.

"Of course."

"Oh." Kylie looked crushed. "Ummm… I just remembered, I have to be at this at this one place in like, ten minutes. See you around." She walked away rapidly to salvage what was left of her pride, swinging her tiny purse in her hand as she went.

"Wow, Kurama, you totally showed her." Kuwabara said. He rolled his eyes. "She'll _never_ go out with you now."

"Yes, it scared me for a second because I thought I was actually gonna have to play her." Kurama answered seriously.

"Oh, please. She came over to see you, and you just rejected her? This is so unfair!" Yusuke complained.

"Why?" Asked Kurama.

"How come I don't have as many fan girls as you? _I'm_ the protagonist," Yusuke complained. "Seriously. You would think girls would appreciate all of the world saving that goes on around here. Sure, they say "Thank you", but you don't see randomly hot girls walking right up to _me_ and asking for my number."

"Hey, guys!" Keiko greeted, appearing out of nowhere with a binder in her arms, flushed cheeks and windswept hair. "What are you talking about?" She questioned Yusuke innocently.

"Um… chess." Yusuke lied. Fortunately Keiko didn't call him on it.

Keiko shrugged, pulled up a chair and sat down. "Sorry I'm so late. With all of my extracurricular activities, I barely have any free time to spare!" She grinned apologetically at her group of "friends", whom she only hung out with on weekends when there was less of a chance being recognized by one of her popular friends, or if the world was approaching an apocalypse, which, of course, happened a lot more often around this group than one might imagine.

"Why do you like to hang out at school all morning on Saturdays?" Kuwabara complained. "I thought you only had student council meetings during the week!"

"Yeah, what if the school is trying to brainwash you?" Yusuke suggested.

"Of course not! School would _never _try to brainwash anyone! They just work hard to provide a safe learning environment and build strength through community, strength through discipline, and strength through action. You don't appreciate it enough."

"Uh… okay." Yusuke responded. Everyone else just pretended they knew what she was talking about.

"Well, anyway, I have an offer for you guys that you can't possibly resist!" She said smiling enthusiastically. "How would you all like to buy things from me to support our school fundraiser?"

"A school fundraiser? Don't tempt me!" Yusuke said sarcastically. "I'm trying to resist."

"Oh, shut up," Keiko retorted.

"What are you selling?" Botan asked.

"Glad you asked!" She pulled out a brochure. "We're selling a wide variety of rare, exquisite, flowers from all over the world. At a discounted price, of course." She opened up the leaflet to reveal pictures of white and yellow flowers that looked suspiciously like plain, regular daisies and dandelions, except they all had elaborate, scientific sounding fake Latin plant names underneath them. ("Petalus Flowerus" and "Botanical Pollenflowerium Theadvertisingcommittetotallymadethisupium")

"Those aren't real plant names." Kurama told her with great superiority while examining the leaflet.

"Those look exactly like daisies and dandelions." Yusuke grabbed the pamphlet from Keiko. "What kind of fundraiser is this? Is our school really so desperate for money?"

"It's for prom in two weeks." Keiko sighed.

"Since when does our school have a prom?" Yusuke wondered.

"Since yesterday. We voted. The only other choice we have to spend our school's money on is to install soda machines in the cafeteria."

"You should have done that!" Kuwabara exclaimed.

"And sacrifice the otherwise healthy diets of our student body?" Keiko asked incredulously.

"Keiko, we're teenagers, we don't have healthy diets." Yusuke pointed out. "I mean, I eat ice cream for dinner on weekends."

"Me, too, I eat ice cream for dinner _every_ day," Hiei added but, oddly enough, no one paid any attention to Hiei's ice cream fixation. They just accepted it as fact at this point; perhaps this was a disease Hiei had spontaneously latched onto.

"Just because you aren't motivated to practice good eating habits doesn't mean I'm willing to sacrifice it for the whole school." Keiko insisted. "It's much better that our money be invested in a wholesome, character-building experience like Prom."

"Wholesome. All right." Yusuke decided it might be easier not to argue.

"Look, I don't care what you guys think but will you _please_ buy some flower seed packets from me? That's all I'm asking," Keiko begged.

"I wish I could, but those awful weeds would take over my garden and strangle my poor, innocent lilacs." Kurama declined politely.

"You have _lilacs_?" Kuwabara asked giving Kurama a weird look.

"Yes. They cost me a fortune on the Demon Black Market trade." Kurama answered.

"Hold on, what?"

"At the K-mart sale. Last week, I mean. They cost me a fortune at that K-mart sale last week. I obtained those through entirely legal means." Kurama covered quickly.

"Oh, god… they must be evil monster lilacs." Kuwabara imagined.

"No, actually they're just for decoration." Kurama assured him. "The reason they cost so much is because of the rare coloring."

"What, no fangs? No poison?" Kuwabara asked incredulously.

"No. I… just like gardening." Kurama admitted sheepishly.

"You can buy a flowerpot to go with the dandelions for only seventy-five dollars extra," Keiko offered Kurama like a pro salesgirl.

"Keiko, if we just give you money, will you stop trying to make us buy stuff?" Botan suggested.

"Yes. Our school accepts donations. But if you only donate, then I don't win any fundraising prizes. I really want a flying stuffed cow," Keiko explained sadly.

"I'll buy you a flying stuffed cow from the toy store." Yusuke offered.

Keiko considered this carefully and finally agreed. "Okay. But we still need money for prom somehow."

"Aren't you charging money for the tickets?"

"Oh, yeah… I'd forgotten about that. By the way, they cost less if you have a date, so keep that in mind." She added.

"Oh, no," Yusuke could see where this was going. "Please don't make me go to prom! I hate school functions! I am totally against education! And dancing! And prom is a combination of both!"

"Too bad, I already bought your ticket." Keiko grinned triumphantly. "You are so going, there's no backing out now."

"Awwww…" Yusuke moaned.

"Yukina, would you like to be my date for prom?" Kuwabara asked with the tone of someone making a wedding vow.

"I'd love to." Yukina replied enthusiastically.

Hiei's eyes narrowed. Angrily, he ate some more French fries, except now he was eating French fries with _attitude_ and glaring at both of them. Then he threw a French fry at Kuwabara's head. But Kuwabara was so in love he didn't notice.

"It makes me wish I could join in the festivities." Kurama said wistfully. "My school doesn't even have a prom."

"You'd need to find a date from our school, then," Keiko said.

Kurama sighed sadly. "Aw, man. I can never find any girls that want to go out with me. Not a single one! Sometimes I think I must be cursed, or ugly or something." he lamented. Everybody ignored his lament. They had very little patience when it came to this subject with Kurama.

"Here's a donation for your prom, Keiko," Botan offered forking over some bills.

"Oh, you don't have to do that!" Keiko refused politely. "You're already buying lunch."

"Don't worry, I can afford it." Botan assured her with a smile. Keiko raised her eyebrows. Yusuke coughed loudly. Keiko let it go.

End of Chapter

**Notes:**

**Yes, I really hate fundraising. **

**If people like this, I will add more to it. Next chapter would be the story of the potential impending disaster/prom.  
**

**Any feedback is appreciated! Thank you!**

**sashax13 **

**(PS: Am I the only one who is completely baffled by chess?) **


	2. Why The Boys Hate School Dances

_(Here's chapter two! Enjoy.)_**  
**

**Why The Boys Hate School Dances  
**

On the night of the dance, the school gymnasium didn't look very much different than usual. There was pop music vibrating through the floor, of course, and a few streamers were draped halfheartedly across the bottom half of the walls (since the high rafters were much too high for the junior high girls to reach). The main trait that made this group of students distinguishable from the typical PE class that usually occupied the gym is that they were chatting amiably and socializing; the general ambience was happy and excited, as opposed to the usual dread and lethargy that accompanied the students' attitudes when they were forced to participate in monotonous, athletic, and stressful activities during regular PE class (such as partner dodge ball).

In addition, nearly all of the students were wearing ridiculously formal eveningwear… at least, the females were. The boys looked like they just didn't care that much. Most of them were wearing jeans. (They weren't even allowed to wear jeans to school, and yet they still wore them to the "prom".)

"I see you guys, uhm, decorated the school gym." Yusuke said to the girl on his arm.

"I know it isn't as nice as it could've been," Keiko admitted, "But there wasn't much money in the budget. No one wanted to support the flower seed fundraiser; it was a complete failure."

"Uh… imagine that!" Yusuke said supportively. He was on his Best Behavior just for tonight. Keiko desperately wanted to win the prom queen title, something she would less of a chance of claiming if her date didn't behave. Which Yusuke was not very good at.

"You need to use your inside voice the whole time, and no flirting, cussing, socking Kuwabara- _even_ if he's being a ditz; please at least _act_ pleasant even if you don't want to socialize and if you don't ask me to dance on the slow songs, I swear I will drag you out on the dance floor myself!" Keiko had chided warningly in the car on the way over.

"I dunno if I can handle that," Yusuke said with a straight face. "You're going to owe me, you know."

"How about if I do your math assignments for the next two weeks?" Keiko offered uncomfortably.

"That wasn't what I meant when I said you owed me." Yusuke grinned.

Keiko glowered at him. "_One_ week. Take it or leave it."

Yusuke held up his hands in surrender. "Okay, geez. I was just teasing though," He added quickly. "And you don't have to bother with the math. I have no chance in that class, anyway."

"No, you really don't, do you?" She shrugged. "Oh well."

Now they were at school in the crowd of teens tossed into an awkwardly grown-up situation and scanning the group for someone they recognized. Yusuke realized how few friends he had at school. In fact, a lot of people downright hated him. Not that he cared, or anything.

Keiko, on the other hand, was quite popular.

"Let's go talk to people," Keiko instructed. "My job is to remind people to vote for prom royalty and read the votes out loud later. Oooooh, look, there are my friends!" She hurried over to the couple of smiling girls standing in a corner next to their wooden, bored-looking dates. Promptly, she hugged them one by one and complimented their dresses, then reminded everyone to vote for prom queen with a smile before she scuttled back to where Yusuke was standing patiently.

"Your friends don't like me, remember?" Yusuke reminded Keiko as they walked away.

"I know they aren't your favorites, but thank you for being polite. Surely there is someone here that you know, too?" Keiko said nicely.

"I am not hanging out with Kuwabara all evening, if that's what you mean." Yusuke warned.

"Of course not. You're hanging out with _me_ all evening." Keiko corrected. "Why, do you see him, though? I want to remind him and Yukina to vote for me for prom queen."

"Uh, no…" Yusuke said even though Kuwabara was only a few feet away and hadn't noticed them yet. Yusuke wasn't about to bring it up.

"Oh, wait, there he is." Keiko spotted Kuwabara and walked over dragging Yusuke by the hand. "Hi Kuwabara! Hi Yukina! While you guys are here, don't forget to vote for school prom queen at that booth over there!" She pointed at the booth with a beauty pageant smile.

"Can I vote, too?" Yukina asked sweetly.

"Of course! Even though you don't go to our school and it's against the rules," Keiko frowned. "Oh, well. I'll let it slip just this once. Just don't tell anyone."

"Ooooh, who's the bad one now?" Yusuke muttered softly. Keiko squeezed his hand and cut off the circulation in response. "Ow."

"Yay!" Yukina squealed happily.

"Oh look, there are my friends!" Keiko noticed over her shoulder.

"No, you already talked to your friends. Who are those people?" Yusuke asked incredulously.

"My other friends." Keiko responded. "Those were my school friends. _These_ are my extracurriculars friends."

"Oh. I'll just wait here if you wanna go talk to them." Yusuke tried an escape attempt. It worked.

"Sure. See you in a few!" Keiko sauntered over to visit with her Other Friends while Yusuke headed towards freedom.

"What's up with Keiko?" Kuwabara questioned.

"She's totally wired because she wants to win prom queen. So she needs as many votes as are humanly possible." Yusuke explained.

"Oh. Hey, great turnout, huh? Look how many people are here. It's gonna be a fun night!" Kuwabara said optimistically.

"No. I hate prom." Yusuke grumbled.

"Spoilsport," Kuwabara accused. "You're going to have a great time, I'm sure. I know _I _will." He gazed at Yukina.

"I've had better times fighting demons."

"Whatever. _I'm_ here to have a good time, whether you like it or not. Right sweetie?" Kuwabara asked his tiny, adorable date.

"Right!" Yukina cheered.

"You're so cute." Kuwabara cooed.

"You are cute, too!" Yukina answered, clearly delighted with herself and the whole affair.

"Not as cute as you are!"

"Um. I'm leaving now." Yusuke announced doing just that.

He ran right back into his girlfriend instantly after. Right when he'd thought he'd gotten away…

"Oh, _there_ you are. Ready to make more rounds?" She asked like a good hostess, slipping her arm in his.

Yusuke bit his tongue to prevent himself from saying something… negative.

"Hello, Yusuke!" Said someone behind them.

"Hi Kurama! Look, Kurama is here!" Yusuke exclaimed. "Now, I have _two_ friends," He held up two fingers to demonstrate. "You were right, Keiko. Look at me; I am incredibly popular! I'm going to have to start keeping a _list_ in order to remember all the names of my excessive amounts of friends." He loaded his voice with extra sarcasm but, sadly, was hardly noticed for his efforts.

"Stop being such a grouch." Keiko growled but her face kept the smile. "Kurama, don't forget to vote for me for prom queen." She greeted.

"I'm sorry, Keiko, but my date also happens to be running for office so I've given my allegiance to her for the evening." Kurama declined.

"Wait, do you even go to this school?" Yusuke asked Kurama.

"No," Said Kurama's date. "He doesn't. But I think I'll let him vote anyways. What do you say we let it slip, just this once?"

Yusuke noticed the strawberry blonde next to Kurama for the first time. Apparently Kurama had managed to wrangle a date after all. Keiko, too, had noticed the girl and was already smiling rather uncomfortably.

"This is Alicia." Kurama introduced his date.

"Alicia and I already know each other." Keiko responded. She looked at Yusuke. Keiko's lips were pursed in a smile but her eyes were simmering with hatred. Now, this was getting interesting.

"Hey! Don't look at me. I only know like three kids who go here," Yusuke said in his own defense. "I have never seen this chick before in my life."

"He means he's pleased to meet you." Keiko translated for Alicia's benefit. Both girls were now smiling at each other forcibly. It was, in all aspects, the Anime version of Mean Girls.

"Um, all right." Yusuke intervened. "As fun as this is, I am really craving some punch. Like, right now. See ya, Kurama." And he steered Keiko away safely towards the refreshments.

"Who is Kurama? What are they talking about?" Asked Alicia meanwhile.

Kurama pretended he didn't hear right. "I dunno. Lets, ummmm, go for a walk! Take me to meet your friends! Or something."

"No, seriously," Alicia rounded on him. "What does it mean?"

"It means that my friends are dyslexic and can't remember my name," Kurama bluffed.

"That's not what dyslexic is," Alicia countered. "Look, I was just curious, why is this such a big deal? Why can't you tell me?" She had backed him into a corner. Kurama felt like a helpless, wounded… er, fox.

So he used Creative Excuse # 4.

"It has something to do with a suppressed childhood memory." Kurama said solemnly. "I don't want to talk about it."

"Oh. I'm sorry." Alicia said earnestly. "Maybe you should tell your friend Yusuke about that then so he doesn't call you it..."

Across the room, Keiko had been waiting to explode.

"I _hate_ that girl! She's just so… so…." Keiko trailed off unable to form actual words.

"Oh, yeah, I know exactly what you're talking about." Yusuke offered. "So... So... So?"

"Shut up." Keiko snarled. "She's just… Oh, I don't know. It's just that, all our academic lives, she's always beaten me at everything. Her team always wins in sports and she has had a perfect attendance and math scores on every test since elementary school. God, remember when we were in first grade and she got that perfect attendance plaque because I was out sick with the flu? I _really_ wanted that medal." She sighed.

"No. I don't remember that. Maybe I ditched that time. Hey… Remember in sixth grade when she got hot?" Yusuke asked.

"Oh. OH! Just, shut up _now,_ Yusuke, or I'm going to _kill you_!" Keiko threatened.

"Oh, not _that_ again; it's not like it'll help very much _this time_ either-"

"No, I'm serious! As soon as we leave tonight! I am going to kill you and then bribe Botan so she won't bring you back again." Keiko cried.

"God. Okay, fine, you rock and Alicia is a slut," Yusuke said loyally. "This girl must really tick you off."

"Don't say, 'slut'." Keiko admonished.

"Hey. Don't push it." Yusuke cautioned.

"Well, yes, she does." Keiko continued despite the setback. "I don't know why, but Alicia just always manages to get under my skin. She's just so pretty and smart and _good_ at everything, and I can't compete with her. If I had known she was running for prom queen, then I wouldn't have run against her in the first place."

"Relax. I'm on your side, remember?" Yusuke reassured her. "Look on the bright side. You're a nice, normal girl. She's still a slu- er, well, she's obviously an _alien_. At least you're human. Seriously, this Alicia chick- I'm thinking she's something otherworldly. Oooooh, I've got it. I bet she's a reincarnated Spirit Fox!"

"You know, that's actually a pretty rational explanation." Keiko agreed. "It's still farfetched, though." (This was quite true. Neither of them had even really bought this excuse the first time they heard it, but they played along just to be polite.)

"Eh, you never know." Yusuke shrugged. "But it doesn't matter- you'll win anyways. Even if I have to rig the votes against Alicia."

"Don't…" Keiko warned.

"Well, can I try to rig them so that _I _win prom court instead?" Yusuke asked.

"Do you really care that much?" Keiko questioned.

"Well, no." Yusuke admitted. "No one really cares who wins the king of prom- not even the boys."

"Then don't do it." Keiko shrugged. "You'd probably look like a geek winning that title anyways."

"Yeah. Couldn't have _that_ on my reputation." Yusuke agreed.

A slow song came on and all the boys in the room groaned simultaneously. "I have to go to the bathroom," Yusuke suddenly decided and ran away out into the hallway. Keiko just sighed wistfully.

On the other side of the room, Kurama and Alicia stood stiffly on the sidelines as a few brave students began to dance. Meanwhile Kurama was having issues.

_Go on! Ask her to dance,_ Urged a persuasive, helpful voice in the back of his head.

_Where did you come from?_ He asked the voice.

_I'm your conscience, Suichi!_ It answered. _I'm the center of your morals! You used to ignore me a lot but now I'm trying to help, really! Don't be afraid to dance with Alicia!_

_I can't. What if she thinks I'm too dorky?" _Suichi asked back. He didn't trust his conscience that much.

_You are,_ Responded the conscience. _But that's not the point. Alicia is way hot. So just ask her anyway! What is there to lose? …And while you're at it, ask her if that necklace is real white gold or just silver. Or imitation… Because I have wanted one of those for, like, ever._

_What?! Wait a minute! You aren't my conscience!!_ Suichi think-yelled at the voice in his mind. _That's YOUKO in there!_

_Am not! I'm your conscience._ Youko lied.

_Give it up. I don't believe you,_ Suichi ordered. _I'm not that gullible. So be quiet._

_No way! It's boring living in your head,_ Said Youko. _You're always thinking about stupid stuff like family and homework and the good of humanity and I'm tired of it now. So I'm going to help make your life more exciting._

_Um, well… could you please just not talk in my head while I'm on a date?_ Suichi pleaded.

_But you aren't doing it right!_ Youko cried.

_I don't care! Look, do you know why I've never had a single successful date in my entire years as a living human being, despite the fact that I am the most popular person at my school???_

_Because you're not hot enough, _Guessed Youko without remorse. _Ohhh. I know. Because you're gay._

_No, it's because I… Hey, I'm not gay! We'll talk about that later. But anyway, it's because I have this really **annoying** Fox Demon in my head who gives me bad advice like stealing and not wearing seatbelts on the roller coaster. And also that one time you made me gamble my potential girlfriend's soul in a game of Texas Hold'em so I could win back my nonexistent "car" from the other twelve year olds in seventh grade._

_Well, it worked, didn't it?_ Youko asked.

_She dumped me the next day._ Suichi answered sadly.

_Well. Whose fault is that?_

_Yours_. Suichi blamed Youko.

_Well. If you had had my good looks and charm to back you up, we wouldn't have been in that situation in the first place._

_Look,_ Suichi begged_. I…_ _Wait, _I_ have good looks and charm too! You don't give me any credit! But anyway. Just don't… talk to me for the rest of the night, okay? Just this once? Please??_

_What if I don't?_

"Um, Suichi?" Alicia was giving Kurama a weird look. "Are you feeling okay?" By now, she was probably regretting asking out such a psychologically dysfunctional date. If only she knew.

_Then I will spray weed killer on the geraniums you planted on the front porch._ Suichi threatened Youko.

_Ahh! Crap, _Youko gave in. _Fine, I'll shut up._

_You'd better._

"Uhm, sorry. Yes. I'm fine now." Kurama said out loud.

"Are you sure?" Alicia prodded sympathetically. "You don't look well. I tried to get your attention but you were really far gone."

"Yes. I'm sorry about that," He apologized again.

"Look, hun, go get some water and sit down, okay? I need to go to the girls' room," Alicia told him reassuringly. "But I'll be back in a few minutes."

"Okay." Kurama breathed a sigh of relief.

"Wow, it's only been about an hour and you've already scared her away?" Said a snide voice. "Is that a personal record for you, Kurama?"

"It's been longer than an hour." Kurama defended meekly. He was about to add, "And I thought I told you to be quiet," when he realized this voice had come from outside his head, as opposed to within his thoughts.

"Oh, hello Hiei," Kurama sighed and turned around to face his friend who was sitting on what appeared to be the only windowsill in the entire room. God knows why there was a windowsill in the school gym, but if there hadn't been one, Hiei probably wouldn't be there. "This is the last place I expected to run into you, Hiei, really. You've never been to school here. Much less a social event."

"Neither have _you_," Hiei responded shortly. "What's your excuse?"

"I have a date," Kurama replied haughtily. "Or, had a date, until a few minutes ago. Right now it's still up in the air. What's yours?"

"Hn. I'm a _chaperone_," Hiei answered coolly.

Kurama was really excited to hear the story behind this one. But then he followed Hiei's gaze across the dance floor. "Oh." Remarked Kurama as he spotted Hiei's oblivious sister out on the dance floor.

Yukina and Kuwabara were dancing together to the slow song.

And, to be entirely honest, they were the only real couple on the whole dance floor. Apparently all of the boys here were wusses here; the only other dancers included some sad-looking girls who were making halfhearted attempts to dance with each other upon rejection from their consistently nerve-wracked male dates.

"Wow, I didn't know Yukina could pull off a strapless dress," Kurama remarked. "Or a date, for that matter."

"Shut up," Hiei snapped. "You were looking a little overwhelmed yourself a few minutes ago."

"It wasn't my fault. The demon soul living in my body was telling me to do bad things like lie, cheat and steal," Kurama explained. "I had a hard time ignoring him."

_Hey, that's not my deal!_ Youko protested silently. _We never cheat! And we lie only as a last resort, remember?_

Suichi quickly responded _You forgot stealing. And you're using that creepy plural Gollum voice again, you know I hate that! I _told_ you, if you bother me one more time then I'm going to kill all of your stupid plants!_

_I didn't _forget_ stealing, _Youko replied haughtily. _Ha ha. Want me to refresh your memory on that one?_

_ALL OF YOUR STUPID PLANTS,_ Suichi repeated. _Weed killer, pesticides, even if I have to stick them out in the frigid weather, or, like freeze dry them or something. I want them gone! My room is a freaking greenhouse right now._

"Kurama, you're going to need to go away, because as you're just standing there like an idiot, you're attracting unwanted attention and I don't want any middle schoolers to come over here and try to _socialize_ with me." Hiei said loudly. "So maybe you should take that argument with your alter-ego elsewhere."

"Mhmmm. Yes. We will." Answered Kurama outwardly, and he mercifully walked back out towards the entrance to the gymnasium leaving Hiei alone to sulk and spy on people in peace.

Or so he thought…

A tiny, skinny seventh grade girl clad in a black dress and skinny legs was now standing in front of him, wobbling on too tall spindly black heels, staring with wide, curious black eyes. Her eyes were caked with black liner and her black hair was tangled and straggly and hung in her face. Her short formal dress had several self-inflicted holes to make it more "fashionable". The girl looked kind of like a horrifically cute undead Zombie… it was a nightmare.

So Hiei pretended to be asleep.

But she poked him.

"Please. Go away." Hiei said _very_ politely.

"Don't you want to dance with me?" Asked the girl who apparently possessed selective hearing.

"I don't dance." Hiei replied. _Go away,_ he said telepathically. She ignored the telepathic message.

"Everyone can dance!" The girl answered with a smile. "You just have to try."

"I hate dancing." Hiei elaborated.

"Okay. We don't have to dance," She clasped her hands together and as Hiei watched in horror, she sat down on the windowsill _next to him. _"So, where are you from? Do you go to this school?"

"No."

"Oh. Well, my name is Dawn! Welcome!" The girl announced.

"What's yours?"

"I don't have one." Hiei replied icily.

Dawn burst into giggles. "You're so funny! Everyone has a name. But why did you come to a prom if you don't like to dance?"

Hiei tried to distract her. "Oh, look. The punch table is on fire."

"No it isn't. Silly." Dawn grinned.

Hiei replied casually, "You never know. Things can spontaneously combust at any given second. Especially when I'm around."

"C'mon. Just one dance?" Dawn pleaded, somehow managing to ignore the fire comment.

"I can't. I'm a _chaperone_." Hiei explained.

"But you're a kid." Dawn pointed out.

"I'm self appointed." Hiei clarified.

Dawn just raised her eyebrows.

"God. Okay, whatever." Hiei sighed. "Look, I'm spying on my little sister whose having her first date and frankly, I'm sitting here looking for an excuse to murder the date."

The truth was more likely to scare her away than any lies, Hiei reasoned.

Or not.

"Aw! That's SO SWEET!" Dawn cried. "Which one is she?"

"The short one with the conspicuous blue hair." Said Hiei.

"Oooooh!" Dawn shrieked wildly.

"Shut up." Hiei muttered. "It's a secret. Because she doesn't know I'm related to her."

"How can she not know you're related?" Dawn asked puzzled.

"We're identical twins who were separated at birth. From different mothers." Hiei explained.

"But that doesn't make any sense." Dawn pointed out. "And it's kind of stupid."

"Hey! That's my _life _you just called stupid!" Hiei yelled.

"But… it's genetically impossible…" Dawn trailed off.

"Just… stop talking." Hiei ordered. "I shouldn't have said that. Now I'm going to have to kill you. Except I will probably get caught since it's a public place, so I won't. So, it looks like you've just got to keep your mouth shut, I know it's _hard _for you, but effort is everything."

"Yes. My lips are locked with a zipper." Promised Dawn.

"Weird kid." Hiei rolled his eyes.

"Thank you, earthling!" Said Dawn.

"I'm not an-"

"I will leave you in peace now because I just remembered I forgot to vote for prom queen." Dawn interrupted suddenly.

"What about the prom king?" Hiei wondered.

"No one cares who wins prom king. Not even the boys." Dawn answered. She left. "Bye!"

It was about this time when Yusuke made his entrance.

"How am I supposed to get any sleep if people keep coming over to _talk_ to me?" complained Hiei.

"Dude, if you wanted to sleep then you shouldn't have come to a school dance. That's like, all you ever do anyways. So wake up for once." Yusuke chided him. "Anyway, I'm hiding from Keiko and I searched out the darkest, most remote corner of the room to hide in and it's not my fault that _you _already happened to be here."

"Yes. It _is_ your fault, Yusuke." Hiei corrected Yusuke irritably. "I am in a disagreeable mood right now. If you're going to keep snapping at me then I am perfectly prepared to blame everything _else_ on you, too, even if it's not your fault. Tread carefully."

"Whatever. Hey, I thought you weren't going to tell people about Yukina?" Yusuke quizzed him.

"What! I'm not." Hiei lamely lied.

"So why are you telling that random girl all about it?" Yusuke criticized. "Botan is gonna be so pissed if she figures out you're telling people stuff and still won't let her say anything about it."

"Ooooh, _Botan_ is mad at me! Watch me shake in terror." Hiei replied sarcastically.

"Well, I just thought it was supposed to be a thing no one knew about." Yusuke shrugged.

"Hey, not that many people know about Yukina," Hiei justified. "Think about it realistically. There's only you and me. And Koenma, Botan, Kurama, Mukuro, Shigure, my dentist, my psychotherapist, my pen pal from Italy and that girl named Dawn who I just met five minutes ago. I assure you my secret is safe, Yusuke."

"All right, I'm not gonna argue with _you_, but I'm just saying," Yusuke responded, feeling a strong sympathy for Hiei's psychotherapist.

"Hey, guys!" Yukina chirped from behind them causing Yusuke and Hiei both to jump about a foot in the air in surprise. "What are you talking about?"

Yusuke quickly ad-libbed, "Sports," just as Hiei answered, "The weather."

"Oh," Yukina looked really puzzled and spent a few moments trying to figure this out as Hiei and Yusuke stood by awkwardly. "Did rain cancel your game? Or something?" she guessed finally, still unsure.

"Um… Yes," Said Yusuke. "Why, yes. That's exactly right. However did you guess. Um, Yukina, did you come over here for a reason?" Hiei shot him a look for being rude. Yusuke made a face right back. Rude was the only way Yusuke knew how to function. But it was the same with Hiei.

"Yes!" Answered totally oblivious Yukina. "Keiko is looking for you, Yusuke. She'll be so happy I've found you!"

"Yeah, and if you hadn't found me, I might've have kept Keiko searching for _hours_." Yusuke grumbled.

"It's a good thing I found you when I did!" Yukina smiled.

"There you are! You moron," Keiko caught up to them snatching Yusuke's hand. "Where have you been? It's time to announce the royal court winners now!"

"Stop coming over here!" Hiei bellowed. "First Kurama, now Yusuke, Keiko! All of you. Everyone's bothering me. Get out of my dark, isolated corner, now!"

They all stared.

Then both girls answered, "Okay!" Yukina waved good-bye and skipped back to Kuwabara's side. Keiko dragged Yusuke's hand across the room to the podium to do announcements. (The rest of him came with the hand.)

But Alicia was already standing there polished and ready to go. "You weren't here, so they said _I_ could read," Alicia announced taking Keiko's spot at the podium. Keiko's eyes smoldered darkly.

"Hello," Alicia said into the microphone. "It's time to announce the winners of Prom Royal Court, so listen up, everyone!"

Keiko fumed on the sidelines. Her pride was deflated.

"Sorry," Said Yusuke. "You didn't have to come find me first. Why do I have to be here while you announced? Look, Kurama's not standing up there or anything."

"Actually, I'm here now," Kurama announced appearing unexpectedly. "You were so busy you didn't even notice that someone set the punch table on fire on the other side of the gym after you got done harassing Hiei. Although he continues to insist it wasn't his fault."

"Oh!" Keiko clapped her hand to her mouth. "That's awful! I was so busy looking for Yusuke, I didn't even notice! I'm so sorry! …Is the fire put out?"

"Yes. Someone emptied the punch bowl on top of the flames." Kurama assured her.

"Me! I did it!" Yelled Dawn running over waving the dripping punch bowl in one hand. "Lucky thing there was a bowl of punch on top of the table, huh?"

"_Anyway_," Continued Alicia from behind the microphone mad that people were ignoring the prom queen announcements. "I will now announce the winners of Prom Court! They have just handed me the envelope with the winners!" She fiddled with the paper and took out the result. "This year's Prom Queen is…."

Alicia's face fell as she spotted the result.

"I can't believe it! It's... a _tie_," she groaned. "This sucks. I thought we were going to have a tie-free system this year. But no! Keiko and I are _tied!_"

"She just cursed into the microphone!" Keiko cried delighted. "I would never do that!"

"'Sucks' isn't a curse word, Keiko," Yusuke informed her.

Meanwhile Alicia stuttered, "I… I don't know what this means! The tie is between Keiko Yukimura and me! But we can't _both_ be prom queen!" She whined. "Are… are there any more votes?"

"Hey wait a minute! I didn't vote yet!" Yusuke yelled. "I'm, uh, voting for Keiko! Right now!"

"Ummm… No! Is he allowed to do that?" Alicia asked the administrator standing behind her. The teacher kindly pushed her away whispering something into the confused girl's ear.

Keiko ran up to the microphone. "Thank you! I accept!" She cried receiving the crown and flowers from the on-edge teacher, who next spoke into the microphone calmly.

"Did everyone else vote, too? It's your last chance." The teacher announced. "If no one comes forward to cast their ballots, we'll give the award to Keiko."

Everyone applauded. But no one came forward.

"Thank you!" Keiko addressed the cheering crowd. She ran off stage and hugged Yusuke and did a little dance. "We did it wediditwediditwedidit! Look, Yusuke, I won!"

"Um… yeah!" Yusuke told her. He tried to high five her. But Keiko didn't get the whole high five thing. She was too busy dancing.

"Wait, don't go anywhere! We still have to announce the prom king!" Alicia fruitlessly tried to usher everyone's attention back to her. "This year's prom king is…"

Everyone ignored her. No one cared about the prom king. Not even the boys. Or the girls.

Well, some girls.

"Suichi Minamino." Alicia stared at the note dumbfounded. "Oh my gosh. I don't _believe _this. Something is wrong. He totally doesn't even _go_ to this school."

Kurama walked up to the podium. "I really appreciate all of your support but I don't actually attend this school. So maybe you should give this award to someone else." He scuttled back offstage kind of nervously.

"Yes. Let's do that." Alicia agreed. Several females booed. "Shut up, people! I don't care. _I'm _the class president, here!" Alicia retorted. "Now, do any boys want this crown, or not? _Besides_ Suichi," She added quickly.

No one replied. The gym went quiet. Several boys shuffled their shoes nervously. They all looked at the floor.

Crickets chirped.

"…Anyone at all?" Alicia tried again. She sighed. "Hm. Oh, well! I guess _I'll_ take the crown, then, if no one wants it for real!" She put the prize on her head. "Look! Now we're both winners!"

"You and Keiko make a cute couple, Alicia!" Yusuke offered from the crowd.

Keiko touched Alicia's arm and steered her away from the podium back down the steps. "If you ignore 90 percent of the stuff that comes out of his mouth, you may be able to salvage your sanity," she whispered on the way.

"Okay. Let's do pictures." Alicia smiled.

It really was a Star Wars moment. Two former enemies now united, namely Luke Skywalker (Keiko) and Darth Vader (Alicia) with a more common hatred against a more powerful (annoying) enemy, the Evil Emperor (Yusuke).

Well, kind of.

Work with me, here!

It looked like all was forgiven.

Until afterwards…

"Just when I thought I'd won- who'd have thought there was any higher status than prom queen- then _she _stomps her way in and nominates herself _king!_ Because queen wasn't good enough! God, I hate her." Keiko muttered as soon as she and Yusuke were out of range of Alicia's ears.

"As much fun as it is seeing your nasty side and getting to be the nice, sensitive, helpful friend for once, I'm going to have to tell you to relax," Yusuke told her. "More people voted for you, remember?"

"Yeah." Keiko smiled. "I guess you're right."

Keiko's mother's car pulled up.

"I'm sorry I have to be home so early. Have fun getting ice cream with the boys, okay?" Keiko waved, and before she stepped out to the car, she kissed Yusuke.

"Bye!" She yelled right after and ran speedy fast to the car.

"So." Kuwabara said a few minutes later as he, Yukina, and Kurama, Yusuke's friends, joined Yusuke on the sidewalk, "Do you like prom yet?"

"Uh huh." Said Yusuke honestly.

"I told you so." Kuwabara bragged.

"Oh, shut up." Yusuke responded.

"Hey guys, after ice cream, let's stop by Tiffany's!" Kurama suggested.

"Dude, why the heck do you want to go to Tiffany's?" Kuwabara asked.

"…To look at diamonds…" Kurama answered dreamily. "They are a girl's best friend, you know." Yes, his subconscious had entirely taken over. And it was nuts.

"What happened to your date, anyways? Where is she?" Kuwabara quizzed.

"Well, I… I really don't know." Kurama considered this. "I got kind of distracted with the potential jewelry shopping thing and I forgot about her." He looked a little worried. But not worried enough to _g_o looking for Alicia right now.

"Well, we aren't going to Tiffany's." Kuwabara declared. "Let's stick to the original ice cream plan."

Meanwhile Alicia was still inside stripping down decorations. Dawn was helping.

"Weird crowd tonight," Dawn said casually.

"You have no idea how strong that meaning is amplified, coming from you." Alicia responded.

"No, I do," Dawn answered. "Speaking of weird, what happened to your date?"

"Oh…" Alicia thought hard. "You know, I got so distracted with the crowning that I totally forgot about him!"

"That was insensitive of you." Dawn pointed out.

"Well, I mean, I…. Hey, wait a minute!" Alicia stammered. "Are you even _on_ the prom committee? I don't remember seeing you at the meetings."

Dawn shrugged. "I guess not. Um, bye." She ran out.

"Hey, guys?" Yusuke called to his friends outside. "Just as forewarning, let's not tell Keiko about the extra votes, okay?"

"What extra votes?" Asked Yukina.

"Just how many times did you _vote, _Urameshi?"

"…"

End of Chapter

**Author's Notes: My apologies for the Star Wars reference. I just couldn't help myself. Actually, it's really a vague "The OC" ripoff, which I do not actually watch, but having seen it once or twice due to an obsession of a friend of mine's, have seen several episodes and happened to remember a quote similar to that. (Don't own Star Wars or The OC. Or Mean Girls).**

**Next chapter seems to be coming along well, although it seems as though each one gets progressively longer than the last... which could pose a problem because updates will be even slower than they are now. But I'll try to work through it. So yes, there will be more. Thank you who reviewed: sn0sb0s, Latona.Selene, Tunderstorm101, and lectaelf. I really appreciate it.**

**In addition, I realize there was a pretty lengthy amount of time between this and the last update. I'm sorry, but the chapters won't likely be posted regularly, much as I would like to post them as such. I will post each as soon as I am certain it is finished but that does not always take the same amount of time each time, and with other things in my life interrupting, things don't always go as planned. But there WILL be more and much of it will be good; if you liked this so far then you will probably like the rest. Although the time between updates will vary, I assure you that this story is still in my concious mind and I have not forgotten about it.**

** On another note, I am having doubts about the story title. It may change because the current one is really more of a filler which suits the general theme and was meant to be clever, but it turned out not being very clever. I am open to suggestions for change. I am also open to suggestions for future chapters or for "jokes" about the series that you would like to see in future chapters; by "jokes" I mean quirks or details about the series and characters I that can make fun of. That's really all there is to it.**

**After finishing this chapter, you should have gotten a taste for the themes of this story; by next chapter you will certainly. (It's not like the themes are profound or thought-provoking.)**

**sashax13  
**


	3. It's All Fun And Games

**It's All Fun And Games Until Someone Gets Hurt**

Kazuma Kuwabara was bored out of his mind, mainly because after recent events and a broken TV, there was nothing else to do. The TV had only broken yesterday night.

See, in the beginning, they had simply lost the remote control for the television. Kazuma and Shizuru had fought death matches over possession of the remote regularly over a period of years, as any proper brother and sister should. Of course, they quickly developed and specialized their remote-napping skills and eventually progressed to strategy tactics.

At first, it was just a race to get to the couch first (first person to sit down gets Remote Privileges), and then, they took turns hiding the remote control in places where the other one couldn't find it. It started turning up in a variety of places during the next few months: under couch cushions and between the pillows, in the back of the bookcase, hidden at the bottom of sock drawers, stuffed between the loose floorboards in the kitchen, in the secret hole in the wall behind the Star Wars poster that had been hanging on the there for a millennia, in the refrigerator and even _inside_ the tape slot of the VCR, before one afternoon, the remote control disappeared entirely.

The two siblings had searched the entire house in all of their usual spots and, upon not finding it, they blamed each other, each convinced that it had been the other one's fault. The controversy of who lost the remote control lasted to this very day, but gradually, Kazuma and Shizuru agreed to a truce and began to adjust to the harsh reality of Life Without the Remote.

However, they were still too lazy to get off the couch when they wanted to change channels, so they developed a strategy that involved throwing small items, such as food or a shoe at the screen with careful precision to hit the right buttons. This worked for several weeks, until yesterday night, right in the middle of Prime Time, when Kuwabara had thrown one of his size thirteen combat boots and accidentally hit the _screen_ instead of the channel buttons. Needless to say, the TV picture quickly fizzled out into nothingness and nobody got to see the end of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

So this morning, as Kuwabara sat with his sister together at the kitchen table fighting over who got to read the funnies in the newspaper, he began to realize that he was going to run out of things to do sooner or later. As soon as they finished lunch, they were going to be bored out of their wits.

Kuwabara resolved to do the only rational thing someone in his situation would do. He decided to go to a friend's house to watch TV.

"Shizuru, I can't take this anymore. I'm going to Urameshi's." Kuwabara explained. "He has cable."

"Cable?" Shizuru echoed. She considered the sound of this for a few seconds. "Wait for me, I'm coming with you." She followed him out.

The two of them set off towards Yusuke Urameshi's house without a second thought.

Yusuke, prior to this, had been talking on the phone with Koenma, in a similar predicament of boredom (though his TV still was still functioning).

"Please, Koenma! I'm really desperate!" He begged. "Look, there's nothing to do. I'm bored. Are you sure you don't have any missions for me or something?"

"No, Yusuke. If anything, there is actually an unusually _low _level of supernatural activity in your area right now. It would be a waste of resources to send you on a mission."

"Unusually low? But that's _suspicious_, isn't it? That means demons aren't doing anything. Which means they are probably _plotting_ something that doesn't involve doing anything."

Koenma sighed audibly. "Yusuke, relax. There is nothing wrong, okay? I'm sure you can think of something else with which to occupy your afternoon while you aren't responsible for taking care of chaos wreaking demons."

"No, there isn't anything else! What kind of Spirit World leader would do this to me?!" Yusuke cried.

"Yusuke," Koenma ignored Yusuke's plight and changed the subject, "Where exactly did you get this extension number? It's supposed to be a secret."

"Kurama gave it to me." Yusuke answered.

"And… How did Kurama get this number?" Koenma asked bewildered.

"I dunno. He just knows how to get stuff like that. Something to do with the total amount of possible number combinations in accordance with the number of Spirit World offices… He claims to have spent an entire weekend figuring it out once. Hmm… that's not even counting the whole hacking the computer database thing." Yusuke elaborated. "But he said _that_ took him all weekend too, and it was months afterwards so that couldn't have been it. Don't ask me why. I think he just does it in his spare time."

Koenma sighed heavily. "Well, please don't call this line anymore, unless it's an emergency."

"You mean, like if demons are trying to take over Human World?" Yusuke suggested. "Not like they are, or anything, because if demons were trying to take over human world right now then I wouldn't be bored. But I'm just saying."

"No, I said an emergency. Demons try to take over Human World all the time." Koenma clarified. "Goodbye, Yusuke."

"But-"

Koenma hung up. Hesighed and looked around his office.

"Ogre!" Koenma called out to the room. But no one answered. So Koenma sighed, got up, and began to search the other offices for Jorge the ogre.

"Botan?" He tried cluelessly. She was nowhere to be found, either.

In reality, Jorge was actually playing the card game War with Botan in one of the far offices. Botan spun around on a spinny chair smacking some bubblegum in her mouth as she won another round; Jorge sat on the desk and swung his feet contentedly.

"Hey guys!" Called one of the other ogres nearby. "Koenma's coming. Pretend to be working or something."

Everyone resumed "working". Jorge pretended to read some papers. Botan got out her Book Of The Dead and doodled some hearts and a smiley face in the inside margin where Koenma wouldn't be able to see that she wasn't writing important information it in the event that he glanced her way.

"Why, hello, Lord Koenma sir." Botan said smiling. "If we couldn't hear you calling, it's because we were working very hard all this time."

"Sure you were." Koenma rolled his eyes. He knew better. "But I can't prove it this time, so you guys got lucky. Anyways, I have jobs for you."

"Aw, man!" Jorge whined.

"I _hate_ it when we have to work!" Botan complained.

"Oh, relax, both of you! Look, Botan, this is a special assignment." Koenma explained.

"All right. Just give it to me straight." She offered reluctantly. There went her lovely carefree afternoon playing cards with Jorge.

"I need you to entertain Yusuke Urameshi for the next four hours."

Botan gave him a blank look. "Say what?"

"You know, go play board games at his house or something! Have fun! Just don't let him bother me." Koenma explained. "I need you to keep him off my case, okay?"

Botan stared.

"It's, um, a special assignment." Koenma added.

"Oh, please. I think you just made that up." Botan accused.

"It doesn't matter if I did. It's still valid." Koenma replied haughtily. "And I think you'll be eager to do this particular assignment with excellence, or I'll not be able to ignore that lunch date you took last week any longer."

"Er, _what_ lunch date, sir?" Botan inquired lamely. Unfortunately, she didn't have a very good poker face.

"Yes, I _know_ what you do with my money in your down time. Occasional I_ do_ read things before I sign them, you know. But do this for me today and we'll call it even." Koenma insisted.

"Yes, Koenma sir." Botan rolled her eyes and spat her gum into the trash. She shuffled to the window and fixed her hair in the mirror in preparation for her endeavor.

"What about me? I want to hang out with Yusuke too." Jorge offered hopefully.

"Don't even think about it. I need you to change my extension number. And find someone in the tech department to put up another shield against computer system hackers, Kurama's found his way around this one _again_." Koenma instructed.

"Yes, sir." Jorge said. He sighed sadly, wanting to play games instead. (Poor, Jorge. Always missing out on the fun.)

"Fine. I'll go play with Yusuke," Muttered Botan. "I hate this job. Stupid Prince of Spirit World."

"What was that?" Koenma questioned.

"Nothing!" Botan answered cheerfully. "I'm leaving now. And by the way, sir, I need money to go buy food and games at the store, so I hope you don't mind."

"Hey! I didn't give you clearance for that! I never signed _anything _permitting you to file a working expense!" Koenma seethed.

"_What? Can't hear you!_" Botan sang, her cheerful demeanor returning in a flash. She then dashed out quickly.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

When Botan showed up on Yusuke's front porch in the Human World with a bag full of new purchases a few minutes later, the two Kuwabara siblings had just arrived at the very same place.

"Lemme guess." Kazuma looked at her. "Your TV broke, too?"

"No, Kuwabara, it's not that…" Botan sighed. "I'm, er, on an assignment. A rather embarrassing one. But don't tell Yusuke."

"Um, kay." Kuwabara replied as Yusuke opened the door.

"Hey, guys!" Yusuke greeted the gang. "I'm so glad you guys showed up, cuz I'm bored out of my mind."

"So are we," Kuwabara admitted. "Our TV broke. Except Botan's. I dunno why the heck she's here."

"I'm sorry," Yusuke offered. "I don't know _what_ I would do if my TV broke." He pondered this for a second. "Bother Koenma more, probably."

"Lord Koenma says not to call him at work anymore." Botan offered.

"Yeah yeah, he told me too. Wait, so you guys actually work while you're there? Cool!" Yusuke said.

"Erm… yes, we do." Botan replied. "Anyways. I thought I would come see you and we could do something today. Is it okay if I stay for a while? I brought snacks." She held up two bags of chips with a smile. "And games." She held up a stack of newly purchased board games in her other hand.

"Board games are boring… that's why they call them Bored Games. Got any video games?" Yusuke questioned.

"Oh… I didn't think of that," Botan admitted. "Sorry."

"It's okay. You're old, I understand." Yusuke said with sympathy. "You must have grown up before video games were invented."

"I'm not old!" Botan raged. "At least, I don't look old! And what about Genkai? She's old, but she's way better than you and Kuwabara put together."

"Whatever. She's so not." Yusuke insisted. "Besides, Genkai is totally an exception. For like, everything. And you're way older than she is, aren't you? Like, as in hundreds of years?"

"No. You're so rude, Yusuke. I would smack you for that, but I don't want Keiko to think you're cheating on her." Botan huffed.

"Yeah, that might do it... But it's okay. We don't need video games." Yusuke shrugged. "We have TV! It'll be fine."

"Yusuke, is it okay with your mom if we stay?" Asked Shizuru as she stepped inside the house.

"Yeah. Hold on, I'll ask her," Yusuke offered. He stepped back and screamed "MOM! IS IT OKAY IF I HAVE A BUNCH OF RANDOM PEOPLE OVER FOR A FEW HOURS?"

An indecipherable yell came back from his mother's room.

"It's fine." Yusuke assured them.

"Uh, okay." Shizuru shrugged.

_Random people??? _Botan wondered. She decided to pretend not to be offended, lest get kicked out. That would ruin her mission.

Kuwabara pounced onto the couch. "Excellent! Urameshi has a remote control, Shizuru!"

"Hey, _you_ aren't allowed to touch it!" Yusuke quickly defended and yanked it away from Kuwabara. "Either of you. I know what happens when you guys get ahold of one of these." He flicked the TV on.

"Hm. Nothing good has been on today." Yusuke mused. Slowly but surely, he flipped through every channel as Kuwabara and his sister watched.

…Infomercial.

…Infomercial.

…Infomercial.

…Reality TV series.

…Infomercial.

…Soap Opera.

…Infomercial.

"Yeah. See why I was bored?" Yusuke pointed out as he landed another infomercial.

"You can play a fun board game!" Botan suggested.

"No way," answered the three in unison. Botan sulked and walked over to a kitchen stool to take a seat, watching her friends glumly. Stupid Koenma. If he hadn't tried to blackmail her, she wouldn't even be here...

"We'd rather watch infomercials than play a _bored_ game," Kuwabara added. Then something caught his eye. "Urameshi! Flip back! I saw a _cartoon_!"

"You sure? That was Dora the Explorer." Yusuke warned. He went back to the channel anyways. Dora was onscreen with her talking backpack and Boots her purple monkey and singing map….

"I don't care," Kuwabara insisted. "I've been television deprived so long that _anything_ looks good."

"Hm, well it _does_ beat infomercials." Yusuke decided. He relaxed and started to watch. Kuwabara, too, began to watch the cartoon intensely. They stared at the screen like zombies.

"Screw this, _I'm_ not watching." Shizuru threw up her hands in frustration and stepped up from the couch. "I'll play with you, Botan. Watcha got in there?"

"_So_ glad you asked!" Botan beamed. "Look here. I have Risk, Chess, Settlers of Catan…"

"Uh, do you have anything that's not a strategy game?" Shizuru asked.

"No. I just bought the most expensive ones at the store to bug my boss." Botan admitted. "I'm not even sure how to play them."

"The rules to those are pretty complicated." Shizuru noticed. "But if you want to, I'll play with you."

"Thanks!" Botan replied greatfully.

The doorbell rang again. "I'll get it. Pick a game while I'm gone." Botan ordered and opened the door.

It was Kurama this time.

"Oh, hello Kurama. I wasn't expecting to see you here, too." Botan greeted. "I heard you were having trouble with your alter ego recently?"

"It's resolved now, don't worry." Kurama smiled. "My two selves have merged once again, as they were meant to."

"Glad to hear it." Botan said nicely, though she, like everyone else, had long ago given up trying to understand the really confusing things that went on inside Kurama's head. (At least he _sounded _pretty normal right now.)

"Yeah, Kurama, what are you doing here?" Yusuke asked (not taking his eyes off Dora).

"No particular reason." Kurama shrugged. "I just thought it would be a good thing if I wasn't available at my home today, should someone come looking…"

"You hacked into Spirit World database again, didn't you," Botan guessed. "I _thought_ that was you. The security at work sucks though."

"Actually, Koenma secures the files he _really _cares about fairly well." Kurama replied matter-of-factly. "However, even those are still hidden within computers, which are based on commands of numbers and patterns. So it's not entirely impossible, it just takes a lot of effort. Um, _theoretically_, that is"

"Haha. He did." Yusuke confirmed.

Kurama came over and stood behind the couch. "Are you two watching what I _perceive_ you're watching?"

"There was absolutely else on." Kuwabara defended. "So we're watching this."

"And _perceive _is a really stupid word, I dunno why you're always throwing stuff like that around," Yusuke added. "Whenever_ I _try to talk smart, people correct me."

"Talk smart?" Kurama echoed. "I was just talking normally."

"Yeah, I guess geek speak for you is pretty normal, huh." Yusuke decided.

Kurama sighed. Patiently.

"Kuwabara, Yusuke, you realize there are other things you could do besides watching TV, right?" Kurama asked. "It's Sunday afternoon."

"Like… what?" Yusuke asked impatiently. No, he didn't.

"Like read a book." Kurama suggested.

"A _what_?" Yusuke responded incredulously.

"Urameshi can't read." Kuwabara reminded him.

"I said I _don't_ read, not I can't." Yusuke corrected.

"Okay, play a game." Kurama offered.

"No, Botan only brought stupid ones." Yusuke insisted.

"Well, you could at least watch a soap opera instead of this brainless material," Kurama sighed.

"What, do you not like cartoons, or something?" Yusuke defended.

"It's not that… well no, I don't actually, now that you mention it, but I have a particular issue with _that _show." Kurama explained.

"What have you got against Dora the Explorer?" Kuwabara defended.

"What _shouldn't_ he have against Dora the Explorer?" Shizuru countered. "I hate that show, too! You know they make it for four year olds, right?"

"It's not that… I feel as though the treatment of Swiper the Fox is unjust." Kurama explained.

"Kurama." Yusuke turned around to face him. "You don't get it. Swiper is the bad guy. Dora is the heroine. Swiper is _supposed_ to lose every time, that's the whole point."

"Well, they aren't doing the character any justice! Maybe he's just misunderstood." Kurama suggested. "I have a bone to pick with the cliché _characterization_; that's  
all."

"Nuh uh." Yusuke insisted. "Swiper is an evil fox, okay? He _steals_ things. That's why Dora has to tell him to Not Swipe Stuff anymore."

"Oh really. _Thank you_ for enlightening me." Kurama replied coolly.

"Should I even do the favor of telling Yusuke to shut up before he gets himself into trouble?" Shizuru pondered idly.

Botan shrugged nervously. Why, she wondered, did a disagreement have to develop every single time this group got together? And Hiei wasn't even here!

Her brother caught on quicker than Yusuke, though. "I think you offended him, Urameshi. You're so dead. Just wait till… Ooooh, look, the map is singing!" Kuwabara became engrossed in the TV once more, his trail of thought lost.

"Kurama, would you like some chips? Come into the kitchen with Shizuru and me," Botan said nervously. "We have chips there. And games."

"Yeah, you can play Risk with us." Shizuru offered.

"Hm. I do like that game." Kurama agreed and sat down at the table.

It was then when Botan realized what an awful mistake she had just made. "Oh dear. I don't think I'll play after all." She muttered.

"You have to." Shizuru ordered. "It's _your_ game, remember?"

Botan reluctantly sat down. This would _not_ end well. Apparently, Shizuru was not well versed in the Don't Let Kurama Play When We're Playing Strategy Games rule. Both girls were now going to lose horribly.

Fortunately, the doorbell rang again then. "I'LL GET IT!" Botan quickly sprinted to the door.

"Hi, Botan!" It was Yukina.

"Oh, hello Yukina." Botan sighed tiredly.

"Aw CRAP, not her!" Yusuke grumbled, turning around to face the visitor. "Now, I have to watch my mouth like every two seconds because I can't say anything around her about... well, _anything_. It's like I have to think before I talk."

"Maybe you should think before you talk anyways." Shizuru suggested idly. "Just a thought. And, dibs on the axis powers." She said to Kurama.

"This is _Risk_. Not _Axis and Allies._" Kurama pointed out.

"Oh. Dibs on the red team, then." Shizuru amended.

"Darn." Kurama sighed. _He_ wanted red. "Okay, I'll take green then."

"I already picked green." Botan interrupted. "Oh wait, scratch that. I'm not playing, am I? I forgot. You can have green."

"What are you guys talking about?" Yukina asked all innocent and wide-eyed.

"Nothing, Yukina," Kurama, Botan, and Shizuru answered in unison out of pure habit. (Only this time, it wasn't even _about_ Yukina; they had decided it was easier to just try not to explain things to her at all, in any context. So far, it had worked.)

"Oh." Yukina got that confused look on her face for a second. Then, she got over it, as usual. "I hope you don't mind me coming over. I got bored."

"So, uh, you're still in human world?" Botan asked Yukina uncomfortably.

"Yes." Yukina answered.

"Are you ever going to, like, go home?" Botan asked hopefully.

"Probably not." Yukina answered. "The other ice maidens are annoying. Plus, I still have to look for my long lost twin brother, who I still haven't found yet but I have a sneaking suspicion he's still here in the human world even though no one actually told me that, so I decided to come look for him at Yusuke's house."

"Why the heck would you come looking here?" Asked Yusuke. "Check the park, why don't you. In some trees. You know someplace like that. Uh, figurative trees, I mean, not, like, any particular tree. Not like I would _know_, or anything. But someplace not here."

"I believe you've misused the word 'figurative'." Kurama informed him.

"What the h--- has gotten into you, Kurama?" Yusuke grumbled. "Why do you care about my language abuse? Only Keiko is allowed to correct my grammar. You know that."

"Oh, nothing, Yusuke. Watch your cartoon." Kurama replied icily.

"Nah, I'm done with this. It's stupid." Yusuke decided. "I can't speak Spanish! How the heck am I supposed to know what's going on here? God, I don't even speak _English_. This is insane." He got up and left.

"You're right. You _are _a miserable English speaker." Kurama agreed.

"I love Dora the Explorer!" Yukina cried. She sat down on the couch next to Kuwabara.

"Why, Yukina, Dora The Explorer is the TV show of love!" Kuwabara proclaimed.

"Really?" Yukina asked.

"Yep! Don't you know that?" Kuwabara decided.

"Wow, I can't think of a thing that is more important than love! What a great concept for a show!" Yukina cried.

Yusuke made a gagging motion. "Um, you say that about everything, Kuwabara."

Kuwabara ignored him. "I know. Love is the greatest concept in the whole entire universe."

"Whatever. Leaving now." Yusuke rolled his eyes, shrugged, and skipped across the room. "Watcha doin', Kurama? Is that Risk? Can I play?"

Botan made the cut-off-your-head motion in warning across her throat from behind them_. Don't!!! _she mouthed trying to save Yusuke from almost certain death. But Yusuke didn't even notice.

Shizuru did. "Here, Yusuke, play for me. You can have red. I'm tired of this game."

"We haven't started." Kurama gave her a blank look.

"Eh, that's okay. Yusuke wants to play instead of me, right Yusuke?" Shizuru winked, stood up, and pulled out the chair for him to sit.

"Sure. How about a game, Kurama?" Yusuke flashed a smile. "Just so you know, I'm not going easy on you."

"I am aware." Kurama stated.

Botan hung her head in mourning for her friend, massaging her hand through her blue hair to relieve the stress. "The _rule_, Yusuke, you forgot the rule! Don't play stupid, _you know the one_."

"Um, what rule?" Yusuke asked, not bothering to worry about "playing" stupid. "Look, Botan, I'm playing a game here. I need to focus."

Botan rolled her eyes. "Forget it. Lose. See if I care."

"Duh, I'm not _going_ to lose. That's the point. Obviously." Yusuke insisted.

"See, he wants to play." Kurama told everyone. "He doesn't even remember the rule you all decided behind my back, in fact, if I remember correctly he was watching television at the time. If he wants to take this Risk, then I think you should let him take his loss." He smiled. "No pun intended."

"Um, Kurama, I was under the impression you weren't included in that particular conversation. You can't, er, read minds now, can you?" Botan questioned nervously.

"I can't." Kurama admitted.

"So you just figured out with your pure genuis and context clues." Botan conjectured.

"Actually, it wasn't even that." Kurama confessed. "You were being painfully obvious."

"Well then," Botan shifted her feet. "You boys have fun. Come on, Shizuru, I think we should move elsewhere before this match turns into something nuclear."

Botan shuffled into the living room. But Dora the Explorer was giving even her a headache. _Only three more hours and twenty six minutes,_ she thought to herself optimistically. _Then I get to leave. Oh god, what am I going to do???_

Cue doorbell. "I'll get it!" Botan cried and ran to the door.

It was a delivery man. "Do you live here?" He asked. "I need someone to sign for this package."

"Um. Yes," Botan lied strategically. She signed it illegibly and quickly handed it back. Botan quietly set the package down next to the sofa. Yusuke would never know- he'd just assume his mother had put it there. And his mother would just assume Yusuke put it there. At least, Botan hoped this was the case. She wondered briefly what was inside. She would have told Yusuke about it, she really would have, but she was too afraid of interrupting his game with Kurama.

"Oh no, Dora is over." Yukina pined as the credits began to roll on the television.

"What a tragedy." Botan said rather unsympathetically.

"Excuse me while I cry my eyes out. Not." Shizuru agreed.

"Oh! Don't be sad!" Yukina cried, her own eyes actually welling up with tears.

"Ahhh! Don't cry, Yukina, we're over it." Botan assured her quickly. "Want to play a game?"

"Like Risk?!" Yukina asked hopefully.

"Er, no. Not that." Botan replied.

"Okay," Yusuke's voice floated in from the kitchen, "Kurama, since you're my friend, I know you would _tell_ me when you rigged the dice, right? Because there is no way you are doing this good on your own."

"That's a dangerous game." Botan told Yukina quite seriously. "It's about war."

"Oh." Yukina's face fell.

"Let's play something else, then." Kuwabara suggested.

"Like what?"

"Poker." Shizuru held out a deck of cards and then fanned them between her fingers like a blackjack dealer. "Wanna try?"

"You shouldn't gamble." Said Keiko as she entered from the hallway. "It puts a bad mark on your character and it's an addicting habit. I learned about it in health class."

"Nobody cares about health class except you, Keiko." Kuwabara informed her. "_No one_."

"Actually, Alicia does too, but we're in different classes." Keiko corrected him. "Fortunately for my GPA."

"You don't have to play, Keiko, but the rest of us want to." Shizuru said. She began dealing the cards.

"Shizuru! You're setting a bad example!" Keiko cried.

"Hey, Keiko, I can do whatever, okay?" Shizuru admonished, "I am the designated adult here-" (her brother snickered,) "What? It's true! I am the grown up and I say we can gamble."

"And that's why I live with you instead of Mom and Dad!" Kazuma cheered.

"Are you gambling with real money?" Asked Kurama casually, flicking his eyes interestedly towards the poker game while simultaneously rolling a die and knocking out two of Yusuke's territories in Risk.

"Don't even think about it," Botan shot. "Finish your game there before you play with us."

"All right." Kurama agreed. "Yusuke, how about betting money with me over this game?"

"Are you kidding? Not on your life." Yusuke responded. "I'm broke."

"You mean you want to bet lives?"

"What? Hey, that isn't what I said and you know it." Yusuke growled. "I said… well, I don't remember what I said. I'll say anythin sometimes. But I _know_ that wasn't it."

"My apologies. I was busy taking over the rest of South America." Kurama answered nonchalantly.

"Crap. Now, I _know_ you're cheating," Yusuke insisted. "Unfortunately, I can't prove it."

"Sadly for you," Kurama sympathized. "Because I'm not cheating."

Meanwhile Botan somehow got wrangled into the poker game (she liked most card games, but not poker because she was an awful liar), while Keiko eluded it and sat perched on the top of the couch where she could peek at everyone's hands and watch without actually participating.

"Er, Keiko, when did you even come in?" Botan asked trying to distract the others from the game. It didn't work; it only managed to distract herself and as a result, she lost a round. "I think I would have noticed had you rung the door bell."

"Oh, I let myself in the back door," Keiko shrugged. "I didn't realize everyone was over today. I thought Atsuko liked things peaceful and quiet when she's hungov- I mean sick, so I tried to be discreet."

"No. She's hungover." Yusuke clarified through the window to the kitchen.

"I know, Yusuke, but I'm not supposed to say things like that or the rating of the story will go up. That's why every time you cuss, it gets covered up by little stars." Keiko explained.

"Oh. I'd been wondering about that," Yusuke shrugged. "Don't worry about it. I don't think the author knows how to change the rating, and she's too lazy to try and figure out how, so I think we're good. Besides, it's not like you said something _really _bad. Not like, ----- ---- ---- --- or something."

Keiko shuddered.

Kurama rolled the dice and wiped out another bout of Yusuke's soldiers. "Checkmate." He announced.

"What… we aren't even playing chess!" Yusuke complained. "And I haven't lost yet, look!"

"I know," Kurama agreed, "But I already calculated all of your possible moves in my head before I took my turn and if you look closely you'll determine there is no possible way for you win unless you roll two more sixes in a row, which is unlikely. That's the concept of checkmate."

Yusuke rolled fours. "I hate you."

Kurama sighed wistfully. "I really wish we had bet with real money. Oh well, there's always next time. Still, this was fun. Though for the record, I'm still angry with you for what you said earlier."

"What the heck are you talking about?" Yusuke snapped. "I didn't say anything. Well, I probably said a lot of things, but I wasn't thinking about them when I said them so it's not like I remember. Geez. You can't blame me for this stuff."

"Mhmmm." Kurama said unsympathetically and gathered up the game pieces.

"You know," Yusuke addressed Kurama carefully and meaningfully, "Everyone thinks you're all sweet and nice because you don't yell and scream and hit people and say annoying things as much as me and Kuwabara and Hiei. But you know what? They're wrong. I know the _real_ you. You're actually worse. You are an unforgiving Grudge Holder, Kurama."

"I guess you shouldn't make me mad in the future, then." Kurama shrugged.

"Yeah, probably not." Yusuke pondered this. "Eh, doesn't matter. I'm probably screwed anyways. It's not like I'd plan ahead, or anything." He grinned.

Meanwhile Shizuru won another straight round of poker. She laughed happily. "You guys sure you don't wanna play strip poker?" She teased the group.

"Ewwww." They all made faces.

"Shizuru! That's Fanfiction Plot Device #6! You know the rule about those. You totally owe me five dollars now." Her brother rightfully accused. "That was almost as bad of a suggestion as Truth Or Dare."

"Whatever." Shizuru mumbled. "You totally went to a school dance in the last chapter. What number is _that_, huh? You didn't pay me."

"Five?" Guessed Kuwabrara. He couldn't remember.

"Oh, never mind." Shizuru smiled and handed him a bill. "Here. I'll just win it back from you in the next round!"

Kurama approached the circle. "Is it too late do deal me in?" he asked in a supposedly "innocent" voice.

"Of course not." Shizuru said politely. "Sit right down; I'll give you some cards."

"Oh, no. Well, screw this." Kuwabara threw down his cards in the middle and stood up as he noticed Kurama. "Count me out."

"Um, me too." Botan tossed her cards down as well. "I'm out."

Keiko followed suit. "Sorry, Shizuru."

"Why are you all quitting?" Yukina asked, worried.

"Come on, Yukina, let's watch some more cartoons." Keiko offered enticingly to encourage Yukina to quit as well.

"Okay." Yukina agreed. She still didn't put down her hand, though. Keiko forcefully removed the cards from Yukina's grip and threw them on the floor. She pulled Yukina up and walked her towards the sofa.

"Cartoons," Keiko repeated. "Trust me. It's for your own good. You're better off here than playing poker with them, I swear."

"Why?" Asked Yukina.

"Because," Keiko said quite seriously and looked Yukina in the eyes, "Gambling is evil. And playing cards against a demon is a death sentence."

"But, I'm a demon." Yukina pointed out.

"You are? Oh, yes, you are," Keiko admitted. "Sorry, I forgot. I just meant, well, Kurama is a strategic genius. I didn't want you to lose horribly."

"Oh." Yukina shrugged. "What makes you think I would lose?"

Keiko smiled uncomfortably. "Um, Spongebob is on." She pointed out.

"Oh, I do love Spongebob." Yukina told her.

"Oh no! Not _another_ cartoon." Botan groaned.

"Why do you hate cartoons?" Yusuke asked. "I mean, I think I have a hunch as to why Kurama hates them, but why do you?"

"Because they are ridiculously farfetched and don't have anything to do with real life." Botan dismissed.

"Unlike anime." Yusuke clarified.

"Yes, unlike anime." Botan agreed.

"Well, _I _like Spongebob," Kuwabara plopped down on the couch next to Yukina and Keiko. "Don't watch if you don't like it, Botan."

"Well, what else am I supposed to do?" Botan cried desperately. "Play cards against those two blackjack dealing criminals???"

"Hello, we're right here!" Shizuru commented curtly. "I am totally not a blackjack dealer. I totally learned this stuff from Yusuke's mom."

Kurama, on the other hand, didn't deny anything.

"You could just leave, Botan if you don't want to be here, Botan." Yusuke suggested idly.

"I can't," Botan sighed. "Koenma made me come here today and said I had to stay for four hours."

"And here I thought you just wanted to hang out with us for fun," Yusuke grinned. "You know what? Go ahead and leave, Botan. We aren't going to tell Koenma behind you're back. We're good enough liars to cover for you. Don't even worry about it- as far we're concerned, you were here the whole time. Right, guys?"

"Right." Kuwabara said from the sofa.

"Of course." Kurama responded.

"Thanks!" Botan beamed. "Oh my. I owe you all one now, don't I?"

"Absolutely." Yusuke answered.

"Right." Kuwabara agreed.

"Of course." Kurama added.

"Well, I wasn't expecting anything more." Botan mumbled. "You're sure you won't be bored here alone, Yusuke?"

"Nope!" Yusuke said happily. "I've got all my other friends over!"

Botan smiled and waved. She headed out the back door (so no one might see her from the street) and entered the backyard. She tiptoed across the lawn…

"Going somewhere, Botan?" Burst forth a sudden voice from the shadows of the yard.

Botan jumped about a foot in the air. "GOD Hiei! Don't do that. Why are you always sneaking around in dark shadowy places? It's the middle of the afternoon and the only conceivable shadow is right under the only tree in the yard, so you just _had_ to lurk there, didn't you. What are you doing here anyway?"

"Well, I _was_ going to monologue here, but now that you showed up, I won't be able to." Hiei crosses his arms grouchily. "Look what you've done."

"Humph. Well, I hate your monologues. They're annoying." Botan informed him.

"I hate your face." Hiei replied.

"Look, what are you doing here, anyway?" Botan asked.

"None of your business." Hiei replied curtly.

"Oh, Hiei." Botan sighed and articulated in a sweet, understanding tone, "You realize you can just _hang out_ with us if you want. You don't have to stalk us all the time."

"Why would I want to hang out with you?" Hiei snapped.

"Why wouldn't you?" Botan questioned innocently.

Hiei remained silent. Dang it, he couldn't think of anything to say! (He couldn't even _remember_ the last time he'd been rendered this speechless.)

"It's because you don't have anything better do to, isn't it." Botan acknowledged.

"Not true. I have hundreds of things I'd rather be doing." Hiei responded.

"Like what?" Botan pressed.

Silence.

"I knew it." Botan exclaimed.

"… Like, uh, erm, spying on other people!" Hiei scrambled lamely.

"It's okay. I know you are just trying to fit in." Botan beamed at him.

"Shut up. I can blackmail you, you know." Hiei threatened.

"Why? I haven't done anything wrong." Botan shrugged.

"Besides sneak out of the house three hours before your shift is through." Hiei finished.

"Oh, that. How did you know?" Botan shifted uncomfortably.

"I'm psychic." Hiei said flatly.

Botan laughed. "Oh! Ha, ha. You're such a kidder. I know you must've been listening through the- Oh, wait. You ARE psychic, aren't you. Oh dear." She scuttled away.

"So, what do you want me to pay you or something?" Botan really didn't like this whole plan. "I really don't need this… I've already been blackmailed once today."

"No. Don't bother paying me. I don't care." Hiei replied using his favorite all-purpose response that worked for every situation except Twenty Questions. "Just do me a favor."

"Um, what?"

"Just go away and let me monologue." Hiei instructed.

"Okay." Botan agreed. She sighed a huge sigh of relief and hopped on her oar. Soon, she had flown away, a choice that was probably better in the long run for both parties.

"So here I am, standing_ alone_ again, _thank god_." Hiei began. "I _hate_ that woman. Actually, I just hate stupid people in general... and also nice people, children, and kittens and bunnies, while I'm at it... But sometimes you just have to make up your own rules and break conventionality in order to get certain individuals to leave you alone. Because rules only apply to _normal_ people. Not fantastically awesome people like me or freaks like the rest of the weirdos who I hang out with- I mean, um, have to _put up with_ on a daily basis."

Hiei strolled over to the glass door to watch Kurama cream Kuwabara's sister at cards. But it didn't give him a very good view. The rest of the kids were watching something annoying on TV, oh, why couldn't they ever watch something good on TV? Hiei really ought to spy on people who were more interesting. He made a mental note to seek out more interesting people to spy on during his down time.

"Aw, screw it." Hiei muttered. "I'm going back to sleep." He climbed into the tree and did just that.

_He_ wasn't going to risk losing at cards.

End of Chapter

**Additional Notes:**

**As for "Fanfiction Plot Device #6", sorry for putting that so bluntly, and _in_ the text, but it's true! (And no, I don't have an actual list in case you were wondering, but I could probably come up with one if anyone cares that much.)  
**

**I really wanted to include the joke "Sniper, no sniping!" along with the Dora the Explorer stuff (Sniper! You know, like Swiper, only not.), but I just couldn't find a place for it. Oh well. I'll just let you all imagine the joke.  
**

**As for the games in this chapter, Botan likes War but not Poker because she can't keep a straight face, but with War it's all chance so she doesn't care. Kurama likes Risk and the strategy games basically because he's a criminal mastermind. I thought I would add that, since Botan is playing cards at the beginning of the chapter but she seems to really dislike it towards the end of the chapter. And also, why Kurama wins at everything. Now you know.**

**I've heard from more than one source that the characters are acting OOC, which I won't deny. That's the main point, actually. I'm hoping to portray them all as exaggerated versions of themselves, and incorperate all of the series's little jokes.  
**

**Okay, I have a question. Does anyone know the correct spelling of Suichi? I more or less made mine up. (Okay, I _did_ make it up.) Also, in fanfiction, do you prefer to call Kurama that in a domestic setting, or do you prefer to have him called Kurama all the time except in dialogue, and do you like using Youko as a seperate name, and would you go back and forth between Kurama's multiple names according to his current mood/identity provided that it sounds okay within the paragraph? What about for characters who don't know his name, or one of his names? I have the same problem with Kuwabara, because that's actually his surname, but everyone calls him it like it's his first name, so I have no idea which one I should refer to him by. So when I've got Shizuru in the picture too, it really makes my hands full between the two of them.  
**

**Somehow, this chapter seemed to be longer, take longer to write _and_ have even less plot than the previous two! Have I outdone myself, or what? (just kidding... Gawd, I am so dead for the upcoming chapters. Onward to the Snail Crawl to victory.) I am trying to keep the next chapter down to size. I originally had a plan for it to feature the girls of the series, but it's quickly turning into "The Kurama's Love Life Chapter", with which I'm not dissappointed since I've wanted to do one of those forever anyway. The other girls will have to wait. (By the way, there WON'T be any weird pairings in the whole story, if any pairings at all. There's a reason why this isn't labled Romance.)  
**

**THANK YOU for the reviews! As always, I truely appreciate it. I have replied to many, probably all of them, but the messaging system on this site is less than reliable, so please don't take it personally if you never get a reply, get a really late reply, etc. (I won't take it personally either.) Again, I am totally open to ideas for this story provided that you tell me them, in a review or otherwise, and I will try to work with them if they can fit into the plot. (Yes, there is one; a plot, I mean. Sort of.)  
**

**Side note: In the last chapter, I forgot to mention that the character Dawn is a creation I dedicate to my friend Lectaelf and to the heart of her as of yet unpublished fanfiction story. With the way Dawn turned out (an annoying half-goth whose behavior is frighteningly similar to that of my little sister), I'm sure she's ashamed to have this posted in her name, but I'm doing it anyways because it's the thought that counts. :) I adore you, Lectaelf!**

**Thanks again!**

**sashax13  
**


	4. Why Kurama's Love Life is Doomed

Author's Note: I got a lot of different opinions on Kurama's personality and his human name. I decided to keep my original spelling since this is based on the English dub translation of the anime, and that's the way they say it on there. (What can I say? I love it! I think it was acted and produced very well.) As for the Suichi/Youko personality situation, well, everyone's got their own version of that, myself included. Realize that mine is orchestrated in order to produce more jokes :)

Sorry this took so long- I'll spare you the long excuse list and just be grateful if I have any readers left. It basically boils down to school, work, some personal issues, Kurama being really really hard to write (even in his extremely exaggerated and comedic state), this chapter being a rather touchy and overdiscussed topic in the YYH fandom, and a recent, but extreme obsession with Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

Quick disclaimer: I don't have anything against blondes. If you see a hair color joke, chances are, I'm either knocking Sues or Kurama. See if you can figure out which is which.

**Chapter 4**

**Kurama's Love Life Is Doomed to Failure**

Kurama was having girlfriend issues.

Now, this was a first for Kurama. He had never had girl issues in the past; in fact, he pretty much avoided females like the plague (voiding his mother, duh) due to the fact that certain sides of his personality did not function well under the constraints of an honest, healthy, romantic relationship. His lady classmates at school were used to it by now and gave up on ever dating him- disregarding, of course, the fan club girls, the secret admirers who left candy and flowers in his locker (the flowers, he liked), the girls who purposely failed science in order to get extra time in the lab after school and run into some "cute nerd boys", namely him, the girls who hung around outside the _library_ with similar intentions and who hated reading, the girls who frequently bombarded him to join student council or wrestling, and the occasional New Student from America whom around which unexplained supernatural occurrences happened (more than usual).

Fortunately, he didn't run into too many of the last kind of girls. We prefer not to mention them if we can help it.

No, the girl Kurama was having trouble with was ordinary, or at least had appeared so until recently. Alicia, his prom date who had seemed so friendly and nice (and smart!) was now his girlfriend. Kurama wasn't quite sure how this had happened, or what "dating" actually meant in any context anymore, but Alicia, as most girls do, had told this to all of her friends, who had told all of their friends, who had told all of their friends, who had told all of _their_ friends, who didn't have anyone left to tell since by that point, every female in the entire city had heard the news twice around. Kurama, meanwhile, had remained more or less inobservant as had every other guy on the planet, though he eventually came to the conclusion by using his famous logical reasoning and superior intellect. _Aha!_ He'd suddenly realized. _Alicia must be my girlfriend! It's so simple. _

Being more observant than the average person, Kurama even noticed one morning that she attended his school.

He arrived at school eleven minutes early, as usual. "Hi, Suichi!" The fan club girls cooed their daily greeting as he breezed past the picnic tables outside the entrances.

"Hi girls." Suichi said back. He stopped by his locker to gather his books, which were arranged in order by first subject, then author, then publish date on the top shelf, and smiled politely at the freshmen girls who he'd become accustomed to running into outside his locker each day.

"Suichi, I really like how you arrange your books," one girl complimented politely. "I really admire how organized you are. None of the other boys have Dewey Decimal systems for the inside of their lockers."

"Thank you," Suichi answered appreciatively. He liked to take care of his academics with pride.

He walked down the hallway towards the wing which held his math class, and waved at the chemistry-nerd-wannabe girls who hung out by the science classrooms parading their cute haircuts, and bypassed them on the way to his own class.

"Hey," Alicia greeted. She had run into him in the hallway, "Can I sit by you in Advanced Placement Calculus today?"

"If I'm not mistaken, you're still in Junior High, right, Alicia?" Kurama reminded her. "Why are you at my school?"

"Oh, that. Well… See, I skipped two and a half grades of math when I was little," Alicia explained. "So I'm taking classes here in addition to my regular schedule."

"Two and a half?" Kurama pondered. "Wow. That's almost inhuman." Ha. Ha ha. _Whoops, slip of the tongue. _"I mean, as a figure of speech. Sort of."

"That's because I'm secretly possessed by a demon who gives me the answers in exchange for my soul. It's the reason why I'm so smart," The girl replied. "Haha! Just kidding. That would be cool, though."

"Um… yes, it would." Kurama sighed. How lucky he was to have such an understanding girlfriend! "I mean, wait, no, that wouldn't be cool! It would be most unfortunate, actually, since demons are evil plotting tricksters who would try to get you to do things you'll regret later. I'm quite serious; it isn't a good idea."

"Uh, Suichi, I was _joking_." Alicia gave him a weird look.

"Yes, I was just playing along," Kurama lied. He secretly wondered where Alicia got these ridiculous ideas for jokes. Maybe she was just really nerdy.

_You are so unfair._ Youko whined in Kurama's head.

_Arrgh! Not again! Go away. _Suichi ordered. _You always show up at exactly the wrong time, you know that? And then you mess up my characterization, and as long as you're around, the plot turns into some kind of twisted situational comedy._

_That's okay. It's funny. And if I went away, you wouldn't have cool demon powers._ Youko pointed out. _Or superior math skills. Which would be detrimental to you, as you have Calculus next, if I may point out._

_Okay, fine, stay for calculus, just please tone it down a little,_ Suichi sighed. _How come you only bug me when I'm hanging around with girls, anyway??_

_Because that's the only time your point of view takes over the rest of the storyline. _Youko explained. _Funny how that works, hmmmmmm?_

_What? How do you always know the out of character knowledge, too? _Suichi wondered. _This is so messed up._

_I'm 1000 years old and know everything._ Youko replied smugly.

_Oh yeah? Then, what's the square root of negative one?_

_Ummmmm. _Youko was temporarily rendered speechless. Score one for the human brain's social life.

"Demons," Kurama concluded, "are not beings you want trying to take over your body. Trust me."

"Wow. I never knew you were so into mythology." Alicia pondered.

"Well, I'm not really, well, it's just that… okay, yes, I really am into mythology." Kurama lied.

_You just told a lie, Suichi. It starts with only one little lie. _Youko commentated innocently. _And then, before you know it, you become a scheming trickster with no girlfriend._

"I'll meet you in class," Kurama told Alicia hopefully. "Go ahead without me."

"Okay... Oh, wait, um, there's something else I want to talk to you about." Alicia persisted.

"Of course." Suichi stopped.

"Um, do you want have lunch with me for lunch today maybe? Or something?" Alicia asked nervously.

"Er…" Kurama didn't know how to answer. Normally during lunch he liked to sit in the school library and read textbooks for fun, try to hack into the school computer system, break into the chemistry lab to play with off-limits solutions or hang out with Kaitou on the front lawn and play manipulative mind games with the first year kids, or something along those lines. "Like what?"

"Like have a picnic with flowers," Alicia suggested.

"Um… sure I suppose," Kurama answered hesitantly, "I do like flowers". It wasn't what he expected. What kind of person arranged lunch plans this far ahead of time? A girl? It was still morning!

"Well, uh, I mean, we don't have to actually have flowers," Alicia quickly amended. "It could just be a picnic. Or we could just bring our food outside and sit under the trees, I'm really not that picky."

"It's okay," Kurama admitted. "I can even supply the flowers. That sounds great, actually.

"Okay," Alicia agreed. "But look. Before we go to class, there is one more thing I need to let you know. Let me give you a warning ahead of time: At my old school, I was the top of my class. I mean the _top_, in every subject, okay? _Especially _the math and science subjects. And I don't plan to lose that reputation despite the fact that I'm taking classes at a high school. Even to my… um, close friend."

"You realize your old school was a middle school filled with a bunch of kids who don't want to be there... but I understand. Alicia, please, realize that I'm not a competitive person at all… well, with my grades. Honestly." Kurama replied. "I just strive for my personal best." …_And my own personal best just happens to be way better than everyone else's personal best. Ha._

"Well, same here." Alicia shrugged. "However, one of your friends told me that you were the top student in school. So that means we're up against each other."

"Er, which friend?" Kurama wondered idly. It certainly couldn't have been Yusuke or Kuwabara.

"The know-it-all with the dorky glasses." Alicia told him.

"Oh. His name is Kaitou." Kurama told him, "And I'm sorry you have to put up with his attitude… but he's a really smart kid. You'll probably either hate him on sight or get along famously. But most likely…. you'll hate him."

As if Kurama _wasn't _a know-it-all himself. (But at least _he_ didn't wear dorky glasses.)

"He seems pretty cool." Alicia said agreeably.

"He's _very _competitive." Kurama enlightened her.

"Excellent," Alicia grinned. "Ha! I am _so_ excited for calculus."

This was why Kurama sort of liked Alicia- he thought he was the only one who ever got excited for things like calculus. (At least, that's what Yusuke told him.) "Hey, me, too!"

They walked into the classroom.

"Hey, Suichi, I heard you got a girlfriend," Kaitou stated by way of greeting. "She's cute. But she looks like one of those airhead types, you know."

"Um, I'm standing right here." Alicia pointed out. "And I'm not an airhead. I skipped two and a half grades of math when I was in elementary school! My name's Alicia, by the way."

"Oh, so you're a prodigy." Kaitou admonished. "Well, that's not going to be enough for you to beat the famous all-hail-our-gracious-first-ranked-fourth-year-runing-almighty-monarch-of-the-science-department-and-honary-"

"I told you that if you keep making nasty sarcastic comments about me, then I'm not eating lunch with you anymore." Kurama interrupted him.

"How do you _know _I was talking about you, huh? I could have been talking about anyone, if you had let me finish my sentence. But you just _assumed_ it was you, didn't you. _You didn't even let me finish._ " Kaitou brushed.

"Well, it was me all the other times," Kurama justified. "Plus, I'm the only one who was ranked first in my class for the fourth year in a row." _So there._

"Whatever," Kaitou rolled his eyes. "It's not like you have anyone else to sit with at lunch."

"Yes I do. I have a girlfriend now." Kurama reminded him, suddenly glad Alicia had brought up the picnic.

"Oh, yeah. Don't remind me." Kaitou sulked.

"I didn't realize you were using 'competitive' as a euphemism," Alicia muttered to Kurama quietly.

"What are _you_ talking about, blondie?" Kaitou snapped at her.

"Excuse me, I'm a _redhead_," Alicia grouched back.

"We'll see." Kaitou replied.

Just then, the teacher walked in so everyone sat down quickly in their own desks and pretended to be going over last night's homework.

"I know you all weren't really going over last night's homework, so I'm just going to start class." The teacher announced. "Did anyone have trouble with the assignment?"

Kaitou raised his hand.

"Yes?"

"I figured out the value of Pi to a hundred thousand digits this weekend." Kaitou offered. "Want to see?"

"What does that have to do with the homework?" Suichi challenged him from across the room.

"Nothing. I just thought I would tell everyone." Kaitou shrugged.

"Erm, thank you, Kaitou." The teacher sighed. She was really looking forward to next period, in which she taught Algebra I to freshmen who, though immature, were still somehow not as obnoxious as these kids. "Now, please, let's discuss the homework."

As class continued, everyone relaxed into their usual lazy routine of sketching doodles in the margins of their notes, or counting clouds out the window, depending on the student, except for the usual suspects, the nerds, who of course paid attention. Alicia now proved herself to be a part of the latter group.

Meanwhile, Kaitou passed Suichi a folded up piece of paper (whilst still somehow taking the lecture into consideration and copying notes). Kurama unfolded it at his desk; since he already was pretty familiar with today's content, he didn't have much to lose by reading it during class.

It was a puzzle, scribbled in ancient Babylonian symbols which Kurama recognized but couldn't read. Clearly, it was a coded message that was meant not to be intercepted by anyone else (several students had certainly looked at it as they passed it across the room) save someone who had the brainpower to figure it out. It was a good thing Kurama was so clever- he immediately devised an organized process that would eventually lead to learning the significance of the message. Acting fast, Kurama started writing his own notes on the paper...

**Why can't you write notes like a normal person, Kaitou?? I can't read this! -Suichi**

Then, he passed it back across the room to Kaitou.

A few minutes later, he received the reply:

**It was a secret code for you to figure out! Obviously. Anyways, it said, "Want to hang out today at lunch?" Which you would know, if you could read Ancient Babylonian.**

Kurama felt rather insulted- he wasn't that old. Although, now he kind of wanted to learn Ancient Babylonian.

**I can't, **he wrote back, **I have plans.**

Kaitou's response came quickly. **Then you don't want to harass the lowerclassmen with me today?**

Suichi scribbled **I'm having lunch with my girlfriend. And she's a lowerclassman**

**Actually, technically she's a junior high student. But suit yourself. **

The rest of the class went by quickly. The only eventful thing that happened was Youko finally figuring out that the square root of negative one was a number that didn't exist. He was in a sour mood for the rest of the hour and hung there in a kind of defeated silence, much to Suichi's triumphant jubilation.

At lunch, Kurama met Alicia outside and they walked out into the school courtyard with their lunches. They had a captivating discussion about polynomials, but the subject grew tired eventually. Alicia decided a thorough criticism of the school uniforms was a good subject change.

"What kind of school makes their girls wear red and their boys wear pink?" Alicia wondered.

"It's not pink," Kurama defended automatically, "It's magenta."

Alicia looked at him skeptically. "Er, okay. But still. I mean, magenta? And they don't even give the pink ones to the girls, either. I wonder who designed them."

"They were created by a controversial designer by the name of Ayame Somha." Kurama informed her, pulling a bit of trivia out of his endless bank of knowledge. "Maybe that wasn't the best decision on the part of the school board, but as far as I'm concerned, these uniforms are fairly harmless. They're functional, at least."

"Um… okay." Alicia disagreed, however. The uniforms were anything but flattering. (Somehow Suichi looked good in it anyway. Somehow the funny-looking hair managed to counteract the odd clothes- in a way that the laws of logic couldn't really explain.) She'd always saw Suichi as being sort of fashion-challenged, judging by the rest of his warderobe, so she forgave him. "Nevermind. Let's talk about you! Do you have any hobbies?" Alicia asked Suichi brightly.

Kurama had lots of hobbies. However, somehow "collecting flowers and hanging out with my mom" didn't seem very impressive when talking to a girl. And he obviously couldn't tell her about hunting demons. He tried to think of something impressive to tell her that wouldn't make him sound weird.

"I like to… hack into computer systems occasionally." Kurama finally answered lamely.

"That sounds fun," Alicia agreed, "but really. What do you do in your spare time? Like, with your friends? You'll have to bring me along to hang out with some of your friends next time! Well, besides Keiko Yukimura, I mean. She and I don't get on very well. And I don't care for her boyfriend much… he's kind of obnoxious."

"Yes, he is," Kurama admitted, "but he's also one of my friends. Although, I do know what you mean when you say obnoxious."

"That's fine," Alicia told him considerately, "as long as we don't have to hang around him too often, I'm okay with it."

"I understand that he can be hard on one's nerves sometimes." Kurama told her understandingly.

"Thanks," Alicia smiled.

They sat in silence for a few beats, taking in the soft sunlight that filtered through the rapidly darkening, foggy sky. A storm was coming on eventually, but there was no rain yet, so the air was still pleasantly cool. Kurama gazed around the garden, wondering idly what breed of hibiscus, clinging to the gates, that the school had managed to get their hands on. Wasn't the climate too cold for hibiscus here? It looked nice, in any case.

_Oh, that? It was planted there by me!_ Youko announced cheerfully from the depths of Kurama's brain, finally resolved of his formerly sullen mood. _Of course hibiscus doesn't grow in this climate. It's Demonic Hibiscus. If you pick the flowers, they'll strangle you._

Suichi was slightly annoyed that Youko had regained his chipper mood. He'd been hoping for Youko to remain quiet a bit longer. _When could you have possibly had time to plant those?_

_For your information, I planted them there fifty years ago, when the school was built, before you were born,_ Youko snapped. _Nobody ever figured out that it was me! I just thought they would look nice, plus, you never know when stuff you randomly plant will come back to help you later. In the middle of a battle or something. It could happen._

_For god's sake, Youko, this is a school!_ Suichi cried, feeling frustrated at this most recent example of Youko Kurama's ridiculous tendency to plan complicated things way too far in advance, _Kids could die if that plant attacked them!_

_Sure, and they'd need someone adequately trained to come save them in a crisis. That's why we have spirit detectives, right?_ Youko responded smartly. _But it serves those stupid kids right. I mean honestly, picking flowers._

_You are evil,_ Suichi accused.

_Thank you, Captian Obvious,_ Youko barked back.

_Argh! Look, I'm just going to ignore you for the rest of the day, since you won't shut up. See how you like that._ Suichi threatened.

"Suichi?" Alicia asked him, staring at Kurama with curious, sympathetic eyes. "Are you all right? You were doing that thing again where you just stare off into space, like you can't hear me."

"Sorry."

"Listen. I need to ask you something," Alicia continued gently, "That thing you were going to tell me about during prom? I mean, this happened at the dance, too, the stuff with you spacing out, and you wouldn't talk about it then, it seemed to upset you when I brought it up… but is it something you want to talk about with me? I'm willing to listen. That's what friends are for. And also Love Interests."

"It's okay," Kurama said, managing a smile despite the usual ongoing battle raging in his head. "Don't worry. I'm fine now."

Alicia's expression remained serious. "I'd appreciate if you'd confide in me, even if it's just a little. I feel like we won't be able to be together for much longer if we can't be more open and honest with each other," she said, making Kurama feel extremely guilty, possibly on purpose.

"I'm sorry," Kurama apologized again. "Like I said, it's difficult for me to talk about."

Since when did having a girlfriend mean he had to confide in other people about his thoughts? This went against the most basic rule that governed Kurama's life- never, ever confide in other people. Especially not people who are possibly nearly as smart as you.

But Alicia looked really hurt. Kurama wondered if she was faking. He supposed he ought to have a talk with Keiko about this girl's powers of manipulation so he'd be better prepared to fight her next time. No, not fight her- converse with her! Have a discussion with her!

At the moment he was drawing a blank. He couldn't think of what to say. Kurama didn't have as good of people skills as everyone seemed to think. (Then again, the people who assumed this, such as Koenma, mostly just used this in comparison to Yusuke, Kuwabara, and Hiei, so it didn't mean all that much.)

"Look, I don't know why you don't want to talk about this. You wouldn't shut up when it was polynomials or fashion we were talking about," Alicia said defensively.

Kurama sighed. He wished he had someone to teach him to talk to girls. He didn't really have anyone he could talk to about things like this. Life was hard when Hiei was the only person you usually told your troubles to. It wasn't as though he could ask his mom, either; he didn't like bothering her with his demon problems. Not like she had a clue what was going on in his life, anyways.

_Should I tell her?_ He thought helplessly to… himself.

_I thought you were ignoring me,_ Youko responded haughtily.

_Ummm, well, I was talking to my inner morality, not you_, the human voice corrected, _but since my inner morality apparently doesn't have an active personality, I guess you'll have to do. Please help me?_

_So, we're on speaking terms now, is that it?_ Youko challenged in a fake hurt voice. In theory, he shouldn't have an active personality, either. _See how much you like it when I'm not here to help you with love advice! God knows you need it!_

_Fine, I'll continue ignoring you,_ Suichi sighed.

_Wait… what?_ Youko asked, once again speechless. (Twice in one day!)

"Alicia," Kurama said slowly, "I have a lot of very personal problems that are very hard for me to talk about with other people. If it's this important to you, then I'll tell you, but most people wouldn't even believe me."

"Go on," Alicia urged him.

"I think I may be possessed." He told her.

"As in, possessed by a ghost?" Alicia guessed half seriously.

"As in, possessed by a demon," Kurama corrected. "Sort of. Really, I am a demon, I guess."

"Don't be ridiculous. You aren't that nerdy." Alicia told him.

"I mean it." Kurama insisted. "I have supernatural powers. I'm more than a thousand years old. I can control plants be exerting my spirit energy through them. Look, I can turn into a fox, okay? A mythical Kitsune. A real, live one."

"You can turn into a fox?" Alicia looked skeptical. "What the heck are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about my power to turn into a fox!" Kurama told her.

"A fox. A real, live one?"

"Yes," Kurama answered.

"Meaning you could demonstrate right now? At this very moment, you could turn yourself into a fox?" Alicia asked hopefully.

"Um, no," Kurama responded, feeling kind of stupid.

"So you can turn into a demon fox, but you can't prove it," Alicia grumbled. "I see how it is. Thank you for enlightening me."

"I'm sorry! It's just that the situation has to be right. I've only ever done it before with the help of a spell or a potion made to change my form," Kurama explained, "Or a lot of fog or smoke special effects."

"A spell. Or a potion." Alicia repeated the words skeptically. "Because it's magic. God, this is really weird."

"Um… sort of, yeah, I guess," Kurama decided. "Technically it's demon energy, among… other things."

"Demon energy," Alicia repeated.

"Yes." Kurama answered. He'd expected her to be at least a little more receptive to this information. Didn't she ever notice the crazy supernatural things that happened around town? Was it so hard to believe he was a piece of it? Then again, maybe weird supernatural things only happened at Yusuke's school…

He couldn't think of any other way to persuade her- Kurama wasn't very good at persuading people, except when he was right about a specific problem. In fact, he hadn't had much practice, none of his friends were very social either, with the possible exception of Botan, and even she had moments of speechlessness every now and then. It was really a horrible crowd to learn social graces from, considering that the rest of them were even less tactful than Kurama.

"I also… have superpowers?" Kurama offered hopelessly.

"Oh, yeah, Kaitou told me. But anyways, everyone here has superpowers. This is Japan." Alicia pointed out. "Why were you so out of it at the dance? I just don't get it," Alicia continued.

"Well, it's hard to explain, but even though I can only change form sometimes, there's still a fox demon inside of me all the time."

"Like a possession." Alicia connected.

"Yes," Kurama agreed. "More or less. So of course, it affects certain aspects of my personality."

"Like make you stare off into space for ten minutes." Alicia reminded him.

"See, there are times when I have to, er, respond to the, er, voice, if you will, inside my head that belongs to the fox. His name's Kurama." Kurama explained. "That's why Yusuke calls me that. Anyways, I have to work hard to keep the voice in my head quiet when I'm with other people, like you."

Alicia stopped looking skeptical. In fact, she looked sort of concerned. "Suichi. Listen to me for a minute. I don't want to alarm you, but I feel like this is too important for me not to say. I mean this in the most concerned, caring way: I think you should consider getting psychiatric help."

"Oh, I'm not schizophrenic," Kurama reassured her. "People just think that because I have private discussions with my alter-ego and I track down apparitions that no one else can see."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

It went downhill from there. Kurama should've known the relationship was too good to last. In the end, they broke it off.

Only later did Kurama realize he'd just been dumped for the first time in his life. He was kind of offended.

Yusuke and Keiko took Kurama out for ice cream to make him feel better. They brought Hiei, too, who attempted to be sensitive to Kurama's feelings by not making as many snide comments as usual. Other than that, though, Hiei mostly just sat there and picked at his Rainbow ice cream, which was not only a horrible color, it tasted pretty disgusting. He decided not to take recommendations from Yusuke anymore and just stick with classic vanilla.

"I explained to her perfectly clearly that I was not schizophrenic. I simply possess an alternate identity, magical powers, and a second soul who influences my actions." Kurama said in an objective, flat voice.

"Kurama, think for a minute how that sounds," Yusuke offered helpfully.

"All right. I understand," Kurama admitted. "But after that. She had no right to accuse me of being noncommittal. I don't I have fear of commitment; I just give things plenty of forethought. I would never do something without thinking it through first. She's clearly mistaken there."

"Says the guy who took twenty minutes plotting out the most efficient and direct route to the ice cream shop from his house, because god forbid we take the longer one," Yusuke pointed out.

"Which, if I may point out, was neither by that point," Keiko added. "It only took us ten minutes to walk here overall."

"Actually, it was twelve minutes and forty seven seconds," Kurama grouched, starting to lose it at this statement.

"See? We could've just walked here in less time than it took to figure that out," Keiko pointed out gently.

"Yeah. I think you're obsessing about this," Yusuke added. "Relax."

"Don't be rediculous. I don't obsess."

"Um... yeah, you do."

"He's just mad because he got dumped by someone not as pretty as him," Hiei offered. "And not as smart as him."

"I'm not angry," Kurama insisted calmly. "I'm fine. Just fine. Actually, let's leave it at this. I feel much better after this outing. I'm ready to walk home now."

"Oh, don't give me that crap." Yusuke rolled his eyes. "Okay, you're fine, but I'm not letting you walk out of here saying you're fine until I have your word that you're not going to turn around and go on a unsuppressed psychotic rampage on us later."

Kurama sighed. "Don't be rediculous. I told you I'm no longer angry."

"Oh, by the way, Alicia changed her Facebook status back to Single." Keiko said slyly.

"That doesn't bother me," Kurama said stiffly.

"I heard she's going to ask Kaitou to the spring dance." Hiei offered.

"Oh gawd, not another one," Yusuke moaned. "Wait. Hiei, how do you _know_ that?

"Because I'm mysterous. That's how."

"I don't care. She can do whatever she wishes," Kurama told Hiei.

"I heard she's transferring schools because the math program isn't competative enough for her," Yusuke added.

"Keep trying to set me off. It won't work."

"Kurama, if she doesn't appreciate you enough to work with your personality despite your issues, then she doesn't deserve you," Keiko offered, being more helpful now.

"Fine. I admit it. I'm angry. But I'm going to bury all of my feelings deep down and ignore them until the next time I... need to kill something, I supopose." Kurama said stubbornly.

"Maybe that girl was right about you maybe getting psychological help."

"It probably wouldn't help. There aren't very many demon therapists," Hiei pointed out. "And they are rather uneffective. Especially when you're forced to take therapy with them as a part of your... um, hypothetically."

"I promise not to turn around and go on an unsuppressed psychotic rampage," Kurama relented. In the near future, that is. "Now can we walk home?"

"Okay," Yusuke agreed. The four of them left the shop and walked out into the street. When they got to his house, Kurama's friends left him with parting words of comfort.

"He'll be fine. The next time we run into a batch of demons who Kurama can attack, fight, kill, and manipulate to take out all of his energy on, he'll feel tons better." Hiei told Yusuke reassuringly.

"I know. Koenma totally needs to give us another mission, stat," Yusuke agreed.

Kurama knew they both meant well, but he was still planning on spending the next few hours brooding alone in his room. He really needed to practice brooding anyways to get his skills back up to par.

Youko, on the inside, was melancholy as well, but his ego was less fragile. After all of the day's events, his self consolation was really the only one that helped.

_Oh, look on the bright side! Who's still the prettiest, smartest, most popular student in the class? Not Alicia, that's for sure!_

**Next: Can Kurama get over his issues? Will Yusuke stop being bored? What's up with this severe lack of supernatural conflict? Will the plot progress? Will Kuwabara get more page time? Will our heroes get over themselves? Stay tuned, and the answers will be revealed! **

**Please expect a delay, this time, however. It'll be up, I promise, but it may take some time! Oh, and once again, I really appreciate all of you readers who have stuck around, left reviews, or given my story a read. Thanks.**

**-s**


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